Are you a foodie or a cooking enthusiast looking for hilarious quotes on all things cooking?
If so, I have a simple recipe for you to follow – just keep reading to discover the most exciting collection of 220 funny cooking quotes!
I searched the web to gather only the most hilarious quotes, and here we are!
Whether your cooking skills are great or not that good, I’m sure you’ll enjoy this article!
Let’s have a look!
10 Best Funny Cooking Quotes
I’ll kick things off with my top 10 cooking quotes:
1. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C Fields
2. “One of the weirder things about being an adult is having a favorite stovetop burner, yet nobody talks about it.”
3. “Parenting is fun if you’re into things like cooking for people who aren’t hungry.” – Unknown
4. “All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.” – John Gunther
5. “A good cook is like a sorceress who dispenses happiness.” — Elsa Schiaparelli
6. “One day… I’m gonna make the onions cry.” – Unknown
7. “An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup.” — H.L. Mencken
8. “Always start out with a larger pot than what you think you need.” — Julia Child
9. “Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers.” — William Shakespeare
10. “I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner.” — Jarod Kintz
Funny Cooking Quotes You’ll Love
If you ask me, cooking is definitely one of my favorite activities, but it happens from time to time that I’d rather have something delivered!
Check out these funny cooking quotes that cover various hilarious situations and scenarios:
1. “This evening’s forecast includes a 0% chance of me cooking.”
2. “My mom’s favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations.”
3. “My cooking is fabulous – even the smoke alarm is cheering on me.”
4. “Three words more beautiful for a married woman than ‘I love you’: ‘NO COOKING TODAY!’”
5. “You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a pizza.”
See also: 270 Perfect Pizza Captions For A Catchy Instagram Post
6. “I have a passion for not cooking.”
7. “A messy kitchen is a sign of happiness.”
8. “The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house!”
9. “With ice cream, anything is popsicle.”
10. “I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
11. “A clean kitchen is a sign of a wasted life.”
12. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
13. “Why yes, I’ve discovered the joy of cooking. It’s when my husband does it.”
14. “If God wanted me to cook, he wouldn’t have invented the restaurants!”
15. “Many people have eaten in this kitchen & have gone on to lead normal, healthy lives.”
16. “Why do brides wear white? Because it’s the most popular color for kitchen appliances.”
17. “A guy who knows how to cook is really handsome.”
18. “I hate when I go to the kitchen for food, and all I find are ingredients.”
19. “My friend thinks he is smart. He said onions are the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.”
20. “I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate.” – Julia Child
21. “Today’s menu has two options: TAKE IT or LEAVE IT.”
22. “The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.” – Julia Child
23. “Reservations. Always on my weekly meal prep.”
24. “I don’t cook on days that end in Y.”
25. “My father cried when I said I wanted to be a chef.”
26. “Sandwiches are wonderful. You don’t need a spoon or a plate!” – Paul Lynde
27. “Hold steady and eat some spaghetti.”
28. “My kitchen. My rules.”
29. “Happiness is… no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry.”
30. “I tried cooking with wine, but after three glasses, I forgot why I was in the kitchen.”
31. “The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you’re hungry again.” – George Miller
32. “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.” – Harry S. Truman
33. “Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach, and now I’m the proud owner of Aisle 5.”
34. “Annoying the cook will result in starvation.”
35. “The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing!”
Amusing Cooking Quotes
Here’s a selection of amusing quotes you simply can’t miss:
1. “Homemade with love. In other words, I licked the spoon and kept using it.”
2. “Donut worry, be happy.”
3. “I cook as good as I look.”
4. “I’m baking a cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.”
See also: 360 Best Cake Captions For Instagram To Add Extra Sweetness
5. “Why does cooking take like six hours and eating like three seconds, and washing the dishes like seven days and seven nights?”
6. “People who love to eat are always the best people.”
7. “It doesn’t matter how expensive your kitchen is if you are a bad cook.”
8. “The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking, you’ve got to have a what-the-hell attitude.” – Julia Child
9. “Last time I cooked, hardly anyone got sick.”
10. “Marry someone who can cook!”
11. “Vegetarian is an old Indian word for bad hunter.”
12. “Annoying the cook will result in smaller portions.”
13. “A watched pot never boils.”
14. “Clean up after yourselves, house elves don’t work here…”
15. “Real men don’t wine. They cook.”
16. “Kitchen closed due to illness: I am sick of cooking!”
17. “Many have eaten here, few have died.”
18. “Sit at the table, take a look, the first to complain is next week’s cook!”
19. “NO cooking allowed, kitchen for display only.”
20. “Today’s menu: EAT IT or STARVE.”
21. “Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.”
22. “The secret ingredient is always cheese.”
23. “The kitchen was clean last week, sorry you missed it.”
24. “The onions aren’t making me cry, it’s being in the kitchen in general.”
25. “Chop it like it’s hot.”
26. “We may live without friends; we may live without books. But civilized men cannot live without cooks.” – Robert Bulwer-Lytton
27. “Oh, I adore cooking. It makes me feel so mindless in a worthwhile way.” – Truman Capote
28. “The first time I saw hundreds of fiddlehead ferns boiling in an enormous pot, I realized what an odd person I must be to hear tiny cries from the mouths of cooking vegetables.” – Maureen Seaton
29. “The first time I was cooking for my wife, Stephanie, way before she was my wife, I actually put three chickens on the rotisserie and I closed the grill, which is really a bad idea. But I just wasn’t thinking very straight that day. And I looked outside and I saw, like, smoke and flames.” – Bobby Flay
30. “Bakers gonna bake.”
31. “Alexa. Feed these children.”
32. “It’s okay to lick the bowl. Mama said.”
33. “I feel bad for people who don’t have a dog. I’ve heard they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.”
34. “If you haven’t licked your Himalayan salt lamp yet, you’re lying.”
35. “So, for dinner… cereal or cereal?”
See also: 160 Best Dinner Captions For Instagram You Can’t Resist
Brilliant Cooking Quotes
If you’d love to read some brilliant and funny cooking quotes, be sure to check these out:
1. “Cooking is at once child’s play and adult joy. And cooking done with care is an act of love.” – Craig Claiborne
2. “Promise and pie-crust are made to be broken.” – Jonathan Swift
3. “When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘Four. I don’t think I can eat eight.’” – Yogi Berra
4. “Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” – Jim Davis
5. “Cooking is the art of adjustment.” – Jacques Pepin
6. “The most indispensable ingredient of all good home cooking: love for those you are cooking for.” – Sophia Loren
7. “Food is your body’s fuel. Without fuel, your body wants to shut down.” – Ken Hill
8. “Anything is good if it’s made of chocolate.” – Jo Brand
See also: 200 Sweet Chocolate Captions For Instagram You’ll Love
9. “A recipe has no soul, you as the cook must bring soul to the recipe.” – Thomas Keller
10. “Good food is good mood.”
11. “No one is born a great cook, one learns by doing.” – Julia Child
12. “My love for food is infinite; my passion for cooking is my happiness.”
13. “The kitchen is the heart of the home.”
14. “The first time I was cooking for my wife, Stephanie, way before she was my wife, I actually put three chickens on the rotisserie and I closed the grill, which is really a bad idea. But I just wasn’t thinking very straight that day. And I looked outside and I saw, like, smoke and flames.” – Bobby Flay
15. “Cooking is an observation-based process that you can’t do if you’re so completely focused on a recipe.” – Alton Brown
16. “In the childhood memories of every good cook, there’s a large kitchen, a warm stove, a simmering pot and a mom.” – Barbara Costikyan
17. “Good painting is like good cooking; it can be tasted, but not explained.” – Maurice de Vlaminck
18. “If there’s a recipe for success in life, it starts with picking the right ingredients.”
19. “The truest kindness to any woman is to provide her with an opportunity for self-expression in some constructive field: to work, not at home with cook-stove and scrubbing brush, but outside, independently, in the world of men and affairs.” – William Moulton Marston
20. “At the age of six, I wanted to be a cook. At seven, I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.” — Salvador Dalí
21. “Jeff Smith was the Julia Child of my generation. When his television show ‘The Frugal Gourmet made its debut on PBS in the 1980s, it conveyed such genuine enthusiasm for cooking that I was moved for the first time to slap down cold cash for a collection of recipes.” – Alton Brown
22. “If you knew how to cook, maybe I would eat,” Jace muttered. Isabelle froze, her spoon poised dangerously. “What did you say?” Jace edged toward the fridge. “I said I’m going to look for a snack to eat.” That’s what I thought you said.” Isabelle turned her attention to the soup.” — Cassandra Clare
23. “There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.” — Robert Frost
24. “He’d noticed that s*x bore some resemblance to cookery: it fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry, they created vast banquets in their imagination – but at the end of the day they’d settle quite happily for egg and chips. If it was well done and maybe had a slice of tomato.” — Terry Pratchett
25. “Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.” — G.K. Chesterton
26. “It is like a lighted torch whose flame can be distributed to ever so many other torches which people may bring along; and therewith they will cook food and dispel darkness, while the original torch itself remains burning ever the same. It is even so with the bliss of the Way.” — Gautama Buddha
27. “Instead of things I’m good at, it might be faster to list the things I can’t do. I can’t cook or clean the house. My room’s a mess, and I’m always losing things. I love music, but I can’t sing a note. I’m clumsy and can barely sew a stitch. My sense of direction is the pits, and I can’t tell left from right half the time. When I get angry, I tend to break things. Plates and pencils, alarm clocks. Later on I regret it, but at the time I can’t help myself. I have no money in the bank. I’m bashful for no reason, and I have hardly any friends to speak of.” — Haruki Murakami
28. “Calvin: Why are you crying, mom? Mom: I’m cutting up an onion. Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthropomorphize your vegetables.” — Bill Watterson
29. “There is no spectacle on earth more appealing than that of a beautiful woman in the act of cooking dinner for someone she loves.” — Thomas Wolfe
30. “Sometimes when I’m faced with an atheist, I am tempted to invite him to the greatest gourmet dinner that one could ever serve, and when we have finished eating that magnificent dinner, to ask him if he believes there’s a cook.” — Ronald Reagan
31. “Huh – why is Max in the kitchen?” Dr.Martinez: “We’re cooking.” Gazzy: “She’s just keeping you company, right?” Dr.Martinez: “No, she’s cooking.” Nudge: “Cooking… food?” Max: “Yes, I’m cooking food, and it’s great, and you’re going to eat it, you twerps!” — James Patterson
32. “I am afraid of getting older. I am afraid of getting married. Spare me from cooking three meals a day — spare me from the relentless cage of routine and rote. I want to be free. (…) I want, I think, to be omniscient… I think I would like to call myself “the girl who wanted to be God.” Yet if I were not in this body, where would I be — perhaps I am destined to be classified and qualified. But, oh, I cry out against it. I am I — I am powerful — but to what extent? I am I.” — Sylvia Plath
33. “We had this big grill at his house, and I remember, one night he said, ‘Sam, tonight you’re feeding us,’ he showed me how to push on the middle of the steaks to see how done they were, and how to sear them fast on each side to keep the juices in.” “And they were awesome, weren’t they?” “I burned the hell out of them,” I said, matter-of-fact. “I’d compare them to charcoal, but charcoal is still sort of edible.” — Maggie Stiefvater
34. “Destroying rainforest for economic gain is like burning a Renaissance painting to cook a meal.” — Edward O. Wilson
35. “No one who cooks, cooks alone. Even at her most solitary, a cook in the kitchen is surrounded by generations of cooks past, the advice and menus of cooks present, the wisdom of cookbook writers.” — Laurie Colwin
36. “I always wondered why the makers leave housekeeping and cooking out of their tales. Isn’t it what all the great wars and battles are fought for –– so that at day’s end a family may eat together in a peaceful house?” — Ursula K. Le Guin
37. “There is no technique, there is just the way to do it. Now, are we going to measure or are we going to cook?” — Frances Mayes
Awesome Cooking Quotes
Looking for awesome cooking quotes? Here you go:
1. “Recipes should include pictures of the mess you have to clean up after.”
2. “You are my supper hero.”
3. “If you are careful,’ Garp wrote, ‘if you use good ingredients, and you don’t take any shortcuts, then you can usually cook something very good. Sometimes it is the only worthwhile product you can salvage from a day; what you make to eat. With writing, I find, you can have all the right ingredients, give plenty of time and care, and still get nothing. Also true of love. Cooking, therefore, can keep a person who tries hard sane.” — John Irving
4. “When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘Four. I don’t think I can eat eight.” – Yogi Berra
5. “There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw
6. “I like a cook who smiles out loud when he tastes his own work. Let God worry about your modesty; I want to see your enthusiasm.” — Robert Farrar Capon
7. “Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter-faction, the vegans, are a persistent irritant to any chef worth a damn. To me, life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace, or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living. Vegetarians are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit, an affront to all I stand for, the pure enjoyment of food.” – Anthony Bourdain
8. “Life is like a tortilla. Add your own flavor and roll with it.”
9. “Talk gravy to me.”
10. “The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.” – John Walters
11. “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” – Calvin Trillin
12. “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well if one has not dined well.” – Virgina Woolf
13. “Laughter is brightest where food is best.” – Irish proverb
14. “God made food; the devil the cooks.” — James Joyce
15. “I never met a meal I didn’t like!” – Miss Piggy
16. “I like hashtags because they look like waffles.”
17. “BAKE the world a better place.”
18. “Too much Pi gives you a large circumference.”
19. “The onions aren’t making me cry, it’s being in the kitchen in general.”
20. “Bake it till you make it.”
21. “Table manners are for people that aren’t hungry.”
22. “No woman ever shot a man while he was washing the dishes.”
23. “My next house will have no kitchen, just vending machines.”
24. “I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for answers.”
25. “Cooking is love made edible.”
26. “The secret of a clean kitchen is simple: just don’t cook!”
27. “This evening’s forecast includes a 0% chance of me cooking.”
28. “This kitchen would be clean if only people would stop eating here.”
29. “Trying to complete a task before the microwave hits 00:00.”
30. “Count the memories, not the calories.”
31. “Just eat it. K?”
32. “FOOD – eat it quickly or you will have to share it.”
33. “I don’t believe in low-fat cooking.”
34. “Leftovers are for quitters!”
35. “The cook is always right!”
Funny Cooking Quotes That Are Simply Amazing
Now let’s check out these funny cooking quotes as well:
1. “Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.”
2. “I have no idea why it apparently takes three grown men to cook some hamburgers. One to cook, one to kibitz, and one to insult the other two.” — Nora Roberts
3. “I’m taking Indian cooking classes because I’m just so curryous about it.”
4. “If you missed essential tomato cooking class, you can’t ketchup.”
5. “Cooking is bad for my anxiety. I had to throw away my pressure cooker.”
6. “My cooking skills are quite gouda!”
7. “Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, the teacher said that it was well done, but I made medium rare.”
8. “Why do Italians love cooking? It’s their national pasta-time.”
See also: 180 Awesome Instagram Captions For Pasta Lovers + Quotes
9. “I had this massive piece of steak on the barbecue last night. As it was cooking, the smell of the juices made my mouth salivate. I had a thought. I wondered if vegetarians had the same effect while mowing their lawn.”
10. “When I’m old and gray, I want to have a house by the sea. And paint. With a lot of wonderful chums, good music, and booze around. And a damn good kitchen to cook in.” — Ava Gardner
11. “Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don’t want to burn it? Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.”
12. “I was cooking beef steaks and flipped it. I didn’t catch it. It was a missed steak.”
13. “My son told me he loved my cooking very much. I asked if he’d vote for me if I ran for gour-mayor of our town.”
14. “I must say, my wife’s cooking has really improved. That was the best slice of soup I’ve ever had.”
15. “I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking, so I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.”
16. “Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood… She beats the eggs and whips the cream.”
17. “My kids say my cooking is incredible… with a silent ‘cr’.”
18. “I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower. I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.”
19. “What’s the difference between chemistry and cooking? In chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.”
20. “I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish. I ran out of thyme.”
21. “I wasn’t a fabulous cook. I didn’t have a boyfriend, much less a husband. And I wasn’t a big financial success. I could live with all those failings as long as I knew that once in a while I looked really hot.” — Janet Evanovich
22. “I have a lot of fond memories of cooking venison with my father when I was younger. To this day, venison is deer to me.”
23. “When the chef was cooking pasta, what did he say to the boiling water? Goodbye, you are going to be mist!”
24. “Is there a reason why the cooking pot had an electric bulb? Because it was my first time making light soup.”
25. “BBQ day every day.”
26. “Son, there are only a few things you need in a marriage: a woman who can cook, a woman who can clean, a woman who can satisfy you in the bedroom, and lastly, you need to make sure none of these women ever meet.”
27. “Tough cookies don’t crumble.”
28. “Get your fat pants ready!”
29. “A meal without wine is called BREAKFAST!”
See also: 340 Ultimate Best Wine Captions For Wine Lovers Everywhere
30. “Fat gives things flavor.” – Julia Child
31. “Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what your mom is making for lunch.”
32. “Clean the kitchen not because you want to, but because if you don’t, mom will lose her sh*t.”
33. “Fish, to taste right, must swim three times: in water, in butter and in wine.”
34. “Food doesn’t ask silly questions, food UNDERSTANDS…”
35. “The secret of good cooking is, first, having a love of it… If you’re convinced that cooking is drudgery, you’re never going to be good at it, and you might as well warm up something frozen.” — James Beard
More Hilarious Cooking Quotes
My collection ends with more funny cooking quotes. Let’s check them out:
1. “A party without cake is just a meeting.” – Julia Child
2. “Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death and sweet as love.” – Turkish proverb
3. “I ate her cooking for eighteen years,” he whispered. “You get used to it.” “Oh yeah, when?” “I think it happened around the seventeenth year,” Henry said.” — Michael Buckley
4. “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
5. “Anything is good if it’s made of chocolate.” – Jo Brand
6. “I’m so egg-cited and I just can’t hide it.”
7. “I want someone to look at me the way I look at this pizza.”
8. “I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.”
9. “Life is short, eat dessert first.”
10. “When in doubt, add more pepper.”
11. “Happiness is… free food!”
12. “When life gives you lemons, throw them away and get some bacon.”
13. “Just stay up-beet!”
14. “Your opinion? Not in my recipe.”
15. “In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport.” — Julia Child
16. “Calories don’t count on the weekend.”
17. “Complaints to the cook… can be hazardous to your health!”
18. “Cupcakes are muffins that believed in miracles.”
19. “Dieting is when you eat food that makes you sad.”
20. “I followed my heart and it led me to the fridge.”
21. “Don’t go bacon my heart.”
22. “There’s always time to read. Don’t trust a writer who doesn’t read. It’s like eating food prepared by a cook who doesn’t eat.” — Laura Lippman
23. “I’m not gaining weight. I’m retaining food.”
24. “If there’s a problem, lettuce know.”
25. “Never ever trust a skinny cook!”
26. “I came… I saw… I decided to order takeout!”
27. “Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin. And muffins are healthy.”
28. “Share my food? I’m not into that.”
29. “Ways to my heart: buy me food, make me food, be food.”
30. “A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.” – Barbara Johnson
31. “When life gives you lemons, chuck ’em back and demand chocolate!”
32. “When life gives you lemons, throw them at someone.”
33. “Don’t be upsetti. Just eat some spaghetti.”
To Wrap It Up
That’s all, folks!
You’ve reached the end of my unique collection of 220 funny cooking quotes, funny kitchen quotes, baking quotes and funny food quotes!
I hope you loved reading it! Stay tuned for more marvelous content.
Until next time!
P.S. If there’s a funny cooking quote you’d love to share with us, feel free to leave it in the comments section below!
Read next: 80 Amazing Ways To Say Thank You For Lunch To Check Out
