A good laugh can brighten up the dullest of days, even if it’s a dreadful Tuesday.

Here is a great collection of funny Tuesday quotes to prove that!

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10 Best Funny Tuesday Quotes

1. “Addiction — when you can give up something any time, as long as it’s next Tuesday.” ― Nikki Sixx

a girl in white socks strolling through a field representing the best funny Tuesday quote

2. “You can’t help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn’t spell it right; but spelling isn’t everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn’t count.” ― A. A. Milne

3. “Tuesday just called and wants to know what happened to Friday!” ― Neil Leckman

4. “Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.” ― Will Ferrell

5. “You can write the best column in the world on Monday, and it does you absolutely no good on Tuesday.” ― Lewis Grizzard

a girl walking through a field representing the best funny Tuesday quote

6. “Tuesday is neither here nor there in the hierarchy of the week.” ― Anthony T. Hincks

7. “In my first 100 days, I will make Taco Tuesday the law.” — George Lopez

8. “No matter how successful you are, no matter how good you are at what you do, even if a golden path rolls out in front of your feet your whole life, there will come one particularly bleak Tuesday when you glance over at Facebook and notice that Jen From Down The Hall has just won an Oscar.” ― Alexandra Petri

9. “If this depression stays with us, the loser Tuesday is going to be the winner.” ― Will Rogers

10. “For some people, showing up at a bridal salon without a ring or a groom might appear bizarre and quite unusual — but for me, it’s a regular Tuesday afternoon.” ― Tinsley Mortimer

a girl in white socks enjoying a walk in the field

Good Morning Tuesday Funny Quotes

1. “Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.” ― Tony Smite

a girl in bed raising her hands savoring coffee

2. “It’s coffee and I need some Tuesday. Oh, wait, no. It’s Tuesday and I need some coffee.” — Unknown

3. “Every single day I wake up and make up my mind that I am going to work really hard. Then my mind laughs at me and says ‘Good joke.’ Then we laugh for some more time and I go back to bed.” — Gehenna Toss

4. “It’s another Tuesday morning to see if we can make it through without caffeine-induced jitters.” — Unknown

5. “Birds scream at the top of their lungs in horrified hellish rage every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth, but sadly we don’t speak bird.” ― Kurt Cobain

a girl with raised hands enjoying her coffee in bed

6. “Tuesday morning: the time when the weekend is a distant memory and reality hits you like a ton of bricks.” — Unknown

7. “Good morning! It’s a new day and a new chance to hit the snooze button.” — Unknown

8. “Tuesday mornings are like Mondays, but with less hope and more coffee.” — Unknown

9. “Good morning, Tuesday! Time to convince myself that the week is almost over.” — Unknown

10. “Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.” — James Marsden

a girl holding a coffee mug in bed, hand raised in comfort

11. “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” — Lewis Black

12. “I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” — Benjamin Franklin

13. “Good morning! Your Tuesday requires two cups of coffee and a lot of positive self-talk.” — Unknown

14. “The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.” — Dorothy Parker

15. “Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.” ― Rachel Caine

a girl in bed raising her hands while holding a coffee mug

16. “Tuesday mornings are the perfect time to question all of your life choices.” — Unknown

17. “When reality and dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.” — Crystal Woods

18. “Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” — Glen Cook

19. “Tuesday mornings are like a never-ending battle with the snooze button.” — Unknown

20. “Tuesday mornings are the perfect time to remind ourselves that it could always be worse…it could be Monday again.” — Unknown

a girl enjoying a cozy coffee moment in bed, hand raised

Funny Tuesday Quotes For Work

1. “Tuesday: The day after Monday that reminds you that you still have four more days of not trying to slap a fellow co-worker.” — Unknown

2. “Tuesday: The day when you question why you didn’t call in sick on Monday.” — Unknown

3. “Rise and shine, let’s try to be productive, even if it’s just making it to the office on time.” — Unknown

4. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald

5. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” ― Drew Carey

a girl balancing laptop in front of her and coffee in her hands

6. “I love Tuesdays. It’s like a second chance to not completely suck at my job.” — Unknown

7. “Would anyone object if we moved casual Fridays to Tuesdays?” — Unknown

8. “I’m already tired of pretending to work. When is it Friday again?” — Unknown

9. “I love how Tuesdays remind me that ‘I hate my job’ is not a valid reason to call in sick.” — Unknown

10. “Creativity is a highfalutin word for the work I have to do between now and Tuesday.” ― Ray Kroc

11. “Among people who really hate Monday, Tuesday seems like a worse version of Monday, because any excuse to not work is no longer valid.” — Unknown

12. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb

13. “Smile, it’s Tuesday! The day when we can finally stop pretending that we’re happy to be back at work.” — Unknown

14. “Tuesdays are enough reasons to request a raise just to afford the coffee that I need to survive.” — Unknown

15. “Tuesday: The day when I try to remember what I was supposed to accomplish on Monday.” — Unknown

a girl multitasking with laptop and coffee in hand

16. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen

17. “On Tuesdays, I like to remind myself that I’m one day closer to retirement.” — Unknown

18. “Tuesday: The day when I realize I’ve made more coffee than progress.” — Unknown

19. “I think my job is a conspiracy to keep me from having a life.” — Unknown

20. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome

a woman working on laptop while enjoying a coffee break

Sarcastic & Funny Tuesday Quotes

1. “Thinking about happy times on a Tuesday is like going to the beach when there is no sun.” ― Alain Bremond-Torrent

a blonde girl enjoying coffee and music with headphones on

2. “People who say “good morning” should be forced to prove it. Happy Tuesday!” — Unknown

3. “I am having Monday feelings towards Tuesday.” — Unknown

4. “If Tuesday were a movie, it would be called Monday Part:2.” — Unknown

5. “Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know, like a Tuesday.” — Unknown

a young girl with headphones and coffee in hand

6. “Dear Tuesday, nobody likes you either. You’re just Monday’s ugly cousin.” — Unknown

7. “If TGIF is Thank God It’s Friday, then today must be SH*T, Sure Happy It’s Tuesday.” — Unknown

8. “Tuesdays are really just Mondays dressed in their Sunday best.” — Unknown

9. “Three horrible facts about Tuesday: 1. Today is not Friday 2. Tomorrow is not Friday 3. Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.” — Unknown

10. “Judging by my degradation in the last 24 hours, I’ll be surprised if I make it to Tuesday.” — Aron Ralston

a blonde girl with headphones enjoys coffee in hand

11. “Nothing screws up your Friday like realizing it’s only Tuesday.” — Unknown

12. “I love how I seamlessly moved ‘find matching socks’ from my Monday to-do list to my Tuesday to-do list.” — Unknown

13. “It’s only Tuesday and I am already 95% done with this week.” — Unknown

14. “Tuesday is the day I actually start the week, Monday I just deal with the depression of the weekend ending.” — Unknown

15. “Each Tuesday is the same, a day when, after forgetting about the misery of Monday, we start to count the days until the weekend.” — Unknown

a blonde girl with headphones and coffee, her hand raised

16. “After Tuesday, even the calendar goes W – T – F.” — Unknown

17. “A Tuesday after a three-day weekend is like a double-whammy Monday!” — Unknown

18. “Today has been the Mondayest Tuesday ever.” — Unknown

19. “Happy Tuesday! You got to admit, at least it sounds better than happy Monday.” — Unknown

20. “Tuesday is the day we’re all trying to get our stuff together, but somehow it just never happens.” — Unknown

a pretty girl enjoying her time listening music and drinking coffee

Wrapping It Up

I hope my collection of funny Tuesday quotes has lifted your spirits and infused some laughter into your Tuesday routine!