Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you’re one of them (I bet you are), you’re going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.
I’m sure you’ve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.
They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset.
So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, you’ll be starting your days using affirmations. It takes so little to change your life!
Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouth…wait, this is funny. You’re talking to yourself. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed.
You try again, but no sound is coming out. Does it count if you say them in your mind?
For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh.
I’ve collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner.
These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face.
Let’s take a look!
Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem
I’ll start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. Have a look!
1. “I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes.”
2. “It’s okay if people don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
3. “Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please.”
4. “Stop trying to make everyone happy. You’re not tequila.”
5. “To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.”
6. “Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable.”
7. “I make people laugh, whether it’s with me or at me.”
8. “Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.”
9. “What doesn’t kill you makes your drinks stronger.”
10. “May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.”
See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You
Funny Affirmations For Self Love
Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. Enjoy!
1. “Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school.”
2. “My funny vibes attract my funny tribe.”
3. “No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart.”
4. “My to-do list doesn’t include dealing with negative people.”
5. “Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat.”
6. “Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life.”
7. “I don’t worry about getting older. I’m still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower.”
See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully
8. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” — Betty Reese
9. “I’ve got three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.”
10. “Don’t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant with complicated emotions.”
11. “I love myself, which is why I don’t need to love the idea of other people loving me.”
12. “I have seen better days, but I’ve also seen worse. I don’t have everything I want, but I have all I need. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. May life man not be perfect, but I’m blessed.”
13. “I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me.”
14. “I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be.”
15. “Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time.”
See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up
Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy
If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day!
1. “I don’t want to fix my spending habits. I want to afford them.”
2. “Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks.”
3. “I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor.”
4. “Even on my worst day, I’ve still got 24 hours.”
5. “Be happy, it drives people crazy.”
6. “I’m lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!”
7. “Today I’m going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits.”
8. “We get so worried about being “pretty” let’s be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong.”
9. “As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything.”
10. “Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside.”
11. “I’m like a postage stamp. I stick to things until I get to my destination.”
12. “There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t even jump puddles for you.”
13. “People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade.”
14. “Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday.”
15. “Don’t worry about those who talk behind your back, they’re behind you for a reason.”
See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes
Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence
Funny affirmations you’ll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh.
1. “Whatever you must do today…do it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape.”
2. “Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.”
3. “Broken crayon still color.”
4. “Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.”
5. “If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now.”
6. “You may think you’ll never get over it, but you will, and you’ll be fine.”
7. “My sense of humor makes the world a better place.”
8. “I’m thinking like a proton, always positive.”
9. “Live life to the fullest. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield.”
10. “Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Not looking at the price tag when I’m shopping.”
11. “I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today.”
12. “I don’t need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, that’s what my friends are for!”
13. “I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!”
14. “The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!”
15. “Superwoman: single. Batwoman: single. Wonderwoman: single. I get it now…I’m single because I’m a superhero.”
See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life
Funny Affirmations To Improve Your Mood
If you feel like today’s not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, I’ve got something that will cheer you up. Here’s a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Take a look!
1. “Good morning! I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Sincerely, yourself.”
2. “I try to see the funny side of every situation.”
3. “My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go.”
4. “Put on your positive pants.”
5. “If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut.”
6. “Effective pushing often involves poop. Today I will embrace the poop.”
7. “I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!”
8. “My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash.”
9. “Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat.”
10. “I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full.”
11. “New year, new me. I’m gonna be worse.”
12. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well.”
13. “Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up.”
14. “I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome.”
15. “Dear universe, I’m totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way.”
See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life
Funny Affirmations For Work
It’s not easy staying motivated for work all the time. We all need a little energy boost here and there.
Below you’ll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently.
You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces.
1. “Everyone brings happiness to this office. Some when they enter, others when they leave.”
2. “Stressed spelled backward is desserts. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.”
3. “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben
4. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
5. ”If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
6. “I am lazy till I get a motive. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. In between, I am alive.”
7. “I don’t need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me.”
8. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
9. “When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer.”
10. “I’m a work in progress without a completion date.”
See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth
Even if you’re a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. Look, you’re smiling!
Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too.
Until next time!
Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset