If this sitcom can do anything, it would be to make you laugh out loud. And I mean it!
This show has always been popular, since it first appeared on TV in the early 2000s. The idea behind it was to show how unintelligent people are leading corporate America, and how some bosses, even if completely unaware of ethical workspace behaviors, still make it.
And trust me, even if you have a really bad day, if you watch a few episodes of this TV series, you will get your mood up for sure.
Let’s go through some of the best The Office quotes that I could find online!
Best The Office Quotes Ever
1. “I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out…” – Kelly Kapoor
2. “Everything I have I owe to this job. This stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.” — Jim Halpert
3. “Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.” — Dwight Schrute (Season 7 Episode 24: “Search Committee”)
4. “I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.” — Michael Scott (Season 4 Episode 1: “Fun Run”)
5. “Do I look like someone who would waste my own time?” — Robert California (Season 7 Episode 24: “Search Committee”)
6. “That’s what she said.” — Michael Scott (Various episodes)
7. “What are your weaknesses?” “I don’t have any, a**hole.” — Kelly Kapoor (Season 7 Episodes 25 – 26: “Search Committee”)
8. “There are no movies in prison. This is my point! You guys got it soft, and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice! Everyone seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who… have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves! Nobody is nobody’s b****.” — Prison Mike (Season 3 Episode 10: “The Convict”)
9. “You want to start a street fight with me? Bring it on. But you’re gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don’t even know my real name. I’m the f***ing lizard king.” (Season 8 Episode 23: “Turf War”)
10. “There’s something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional.” — Robert California (Season 8 Episode 2: “The Incentive”)
Funny Quotes From The Office That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud
1. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” — Michael Scott
2. “I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.” — Dwight Schrute
3. “I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.” — Kelly Kapoor
4. “Everything I have I owe to this job… this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.” — Jim Halpert
5. “From time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future.” — Jim Halpert (Season 3 Episode 7: “Branch Closing”)
6. “I stole. … And I robbed. And I kidnapped… the… president’s son. And held him for ransom.” — Prison Mike (Season 3 Episode 10: “The Convict”)
7. “We didn’t play many video games in Scranton. Instead we’d do stuff like.. uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And, uh, Pam called it… Pretendinitis.” — Jim Halpert (Season 3 Episode 3: “The Coup”)
8. “Oh so Dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift. I found a recording device in it. Yes. So. I think if I play it just right, I can get Dwight to live out the plot of National Treasure.” — Jim Halpert (Season 6 Episode 7: “The Lover”)
9. “Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.” — Jim Halpert (Season 1 Episode 13: “Health Care”)
10. “I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors.” — Dwight Schrute (Season 5 Episode 9: “Frame Toby”)
11. “When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.” — Dwight Schrute (Season 3 Episode 4: “Grief Counseling”)
12. “I am faster than 80 percent of all snakes.” — Dwight Schrute (Season 2 Episode 12: “The Injury”)
13. “I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.” — Michael Scott (Season 9 Episodes 24 & 25: “Finale”)
14. “Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.” — Andy Bernard (Season 3 Episode 13: “The Return”)
15. “If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.” — Stanley Hudson (Season 4 Episode 7: “Survivor Man”)
16. “I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.” — Kelly Kapoor (Season 7 Episode 22: “Goodbye Michael”)
17. “Michael: “Come on guys. Early worm gets the worm.” Jim: “Another worm, like, are they friends?” — Michael Scott and Jim Halpert (Season 3 Episode 17: “Cocktails”)
18. “For my new year’s resolution, I gave up drinking… during the week.” — Meredith Palmer (Season 2 Episode 10: “Christmas Party”)
19. “The doctor said, if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die. I’m going to die.” — Stanley Hudson (Season 5 Episode 13: “Stress Relief”)
20. “I understand nothing.” — Michael Scott (Season 5 Episode 22: “The Dream Team”)
See also: 40 Blood In Blood Out Quotes To Recall Its Best Moments
Actually, Some Smart Quotes From The Office
1. “I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.” ― Dwight Schrute
2. “The only thing that gives me an adrenaline rush is the idea. I wish I could just have the idea, watch it on telly, and not actually have to do anything.” ― Andy Greene, The Office: The Untold Story of the Greatest Sitcom of the 2000s: An Oral History
3. “Studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage, because I bring my own water to work.” — Dwight Schrute
4. “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.” — Andy Bernard (Season 9 Episode 24 & 25: “Finale”)
5. “I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.” — Jim Halpert (Season 4 Episode 17: “Job Fair”)
6. “An office is a place where dreams come true.” — Michael Scott (Season 5 Episode 13: “Stress Relief”)
7. “I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number.” — Kevin Malone (Season 6 Episode 4: “Niagra”)
8. “You only live once? False. You live every day. You only die once.” — Dwight Schrute (Deleted scene)
9. “I stopped caring a long time ago.” — Creed Bratton (Season 2 Episode 22: “Casino Night”)
10. “You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.” — Dwight Schrute (Season 6 Episode 19: “New Leads”)
11. “Look, it doesn’t take a genius to know that every organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn’t have two presidents; a boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?” — Oscar Martinez
12. “So this is my life — until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.” — Jim Halpert
13. “Well, this is what happened. Uh, Ryan’s big project was the website, which wasn’t doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as offices and once in the website sales, which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.” — Oscar Martinez
14. “Oh, I don’t think it’s blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do, so I won’t tell everyone that she’s cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.” — Phyllis Lapin-Vance
15. “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” — Stanley Hudson
See also: 40 Paid In Full Quotes To Teach You Important Life Lessons
Michael Scott’s Best Hot Takes From The Office
1. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” ― Michael Scott
2. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” ― Michael Scott
3. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” ― Michael Scott
4. “St. Patrick’s Day is the closest thing the Irish have to Christmas.” — Michael Scott (Season 6 Episode 19: “St. Patrick’s Day”)
5. “I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do.” — Michael Scott
6. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott (Season 2 Episode 3: “Office Olympics”)
7. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me… No, don’t sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I’m trying to make.” — Michael Scott (Season 4 Episode 1: “Fun Run”)
8. “I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do.” — Michael Scott (Season 5 Episode 13: “Stress Relief”)
9. “Uh…nope. Nope. This isn’t the surprise. It’s surprising because you didn’t expect it, but you will…you’ll know it when you see it.” – Michael Scott
10. “I am Beyonce always.” – Michael Scott
11. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” — Michael Scott (Season 4 Episodes 1 & 2: “Fun Run”)
12. “It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don’t expect everybody to understand.” — Michael Scott (Season 2 Episode 14: “The Carpet”)
13. “Should have burned this place down when I had the chance.” — Michael Scott (Season 7 Episode 19: “Amber Rains”)
14. “I am running away from my responsibilities and it feels good.” — Michael Scott (Season 4 Episode 7: “Money”)
15. “Depression? Isn’t that just a fancy word for feeling ‘bummed out’?” — Michael Scott
16. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” — Michael Scott
17. ” Toby works in HR. He is a part of the corporation, so he is not really part of our family. Plus he is divorced, so he is not part of his family too” — Michael Scott
18. “Webster’s dictionary defines weddings as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. ” — Michael Scott
19. “Today I was responsible for saving one life… My own. Am I a hero? I really can’t say, but yes.” — Michael Scott
20. “I’m going to throw a bridal shower for you guys. A guy shower. An hour long shower with guys” — Michael Scott
Andy Bernard’s Nuggets Of Wisdom
1. “Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It’s so powerful, even a lot of men can’t resist a man singing show tunes.” — Andy Bernard (Season 7 Episode 3: “Andy’s Play”)
2. “You can’t let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. ‘Oh I like your dress, but I’d like it more if you had prettier hair.'” — Andy Bernard (Season 5 Episode 19: “Golden Ticket”)
3. “Put your heart out there like that, it’s liable to just turn into this blackened carbon brick where it has barbecue sauce of shame and rage and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that!” — Andy Bernard (Season 5 Episode 19: “Golden Ticket”)
4. “In high school, I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway got a twelve twenty. Always regretted it… I feel lachrymose.” — Andy Bernard (Season 6 Episode 11: “Shareholder Meeting”)
5. “I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.” — Andy Bernard (Season 5 Episode 22: “Heavy Competition”)
6. “Oh, it is on, like a prawn who yawns at dawn.” — Andy Bernard (Season 5 Episode 26: “Casual Friday”)
7. “Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.” — Andy Bernard
8. “I’m always thinking one step ahead, like a…carpenter that makes stairs.” — Andy Bernard
9. “Rit-dit-dit-do-doo!” — Andy Bernard
10. “Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them. Because they’re unfair.” — Andy Bernard (Season 5 Episode 1: “Weight Loss”)
Miscellaneous The Office Quotes
1. “You can’t have a favorite Iron Chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient.” — Robert California (Season 8 Episode 6: “Doomsday”)
2. “What was so amazing about Steve was that as Michael Scott, he could make your skin crawl in one scene by being such a jerk, and such an asshole, and in the very next scene you would weep for him. You bled for the man because he was so blind to his own faults. (Randy Cordray)” ― Andy Greene, The Office: The Untold Story of the Greatest Sitcom of the 2000s: An Oral History
3. “A lot of my friends who have teenagers, they’ve shared with me that they watch it almost as an emotional soother. If they’re in a bad mood, they’ll just pop on The Office and they’ll binge-watch it. (Amy Ryan)” ― Andy Greene, The Office: The Untold Story of the Greatest Sitcom of the 2000s: An Oral History
4. “I think that pretty much sums it up…I found it at Spencer Gifts.” – Michael Scott
5. “The Office had the idea that the comedy was behavioral. The stories weren’t joke driven. The comedy focused on human behavior.” ― Andy Greene, The Office: The Untold Story of the Greatest Sitcom of the 2000s
6. “I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It’s rock n roll for people who don’t like rock n roll. It’s rap for people who don’t like rap. It’s pop for people who don’t like pop.” — Robert California (Season 8 Episode 7: “Christmas Wishes”)
7. “The worst thing about prison was the Dementors.” — Prison Mike (Season 3 Episode 9: “The Convict”)
8. “I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides.” — Dwight Schrute (Season 3 Episode 21: “Women’s Appreciation”)
9. “I just wanna lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” — Kevin Malone (Season 3 Episode 22: “Beach Games”)
10. “Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.” — Jim Halpert (Season 3 Episode 21: “Product Recall”)
11. “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing.” — Dwight Schrute (Season 3 Episode 16: “Business School”)
12. “I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat.” — Pam Beesly (Season 4 Episode 13: “Dinner Party”)
13. “Mini cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?” — Kevin Malone (Season 9 Episode 9: “Dwight Christmas”)
14. “One day Michael came in and complained about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.” — Jim Halpert (Season 4 Episode 1: “Fun Run”)
15. “I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out…” — Kelly Kapoor (Season 7 Episode 2: “Counseling”)
Final Word
I hope that you had a blast while reading these The Office quotes, because I sure did!
This sitcom never fails to amaze me, and I watched it for over 10 times, from beginning to end. It is really some of the best humorous tv series ever produced!
So, if you haven’t watched The Office, but you have read these quotes, I am sure you will be motivated to see what this show actually looks like. Enjoy!
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