Squidward Tentacles, the iconic character in the popular animated TV series SpongeBob SquarePants has become a fan favorite for his uniquely sarcastic personality.
His memorable one-liners, hilarious facial expressions, and constant struggles with work, creativity, and finding happiness in life are just something we can all relate to.
To that end, I’ve gathered here a list of the best Squidward quotes I could find online to showcase his often cynical outlook on life but also his kind heart and hidden depths.
Let’s have a look!
10 Best Squidward Quotes
1. “I’m not just ready to die, I’m ready to die for a good cause. Like to prove a point or something.” — Squidward Tentacles
2. “Art is what happens when you dare to be yourself.” — Squidward Tentacles
3. “After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize that you don’t want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.” — Squidward Tentacles
4. “I can’t imagine going through life without a single piece of art to brighten it up.” — Squidward Tentacles
5. “I’m sorry I’m not as successful as you want me to be, but I’m happy with who I am and what I have.” — Squidward Tentacles
6. “I just don’t understand how people can be so happy all the time. What’s wrong with a little melancholy?” — Squidward Tentacles
7. “I don’t need television to validate my existence.” — Squidward Tentacles
8. “Well, it’s no secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby, secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets, secretly.” — Squidward Tentacles
9. “What could be better than serving up smiles?” — Squidward Tentacles
10. “You never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” — Squidward Tentacles
The Ever-Complaining Squidward Quotes
1. “Another day, another migraine.” — Squidward Tentacles
2. “Do you have to stand so close? You’re making me claustrophobic!”— Squidward Tentacles
3. “I knew I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed today.” — Squidward Tentacles
4. “Oh, my aching tentacles!” — Squidward Tentacles
5. “It all started when I was born.” — Squidward Tentacles
6. “Here, please hit me as hard as you can.” — Squidward Tentacles
7. “Too bad that didn’t kill me.” — Squidward Tentacles
8. “I don’t have a problem with camping, I have a problem with nature.” — Squidward Tentacles
9. “Being dead, or anything else!” — Squidward Tentacles
10. “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time you ruined everything.” — Squidward Tentacles
Squidward Quotes About His Work
1. “Please come again… when I’m not working.” — Squidward Tentacles
2. “I’m not just a cashier, I’m an artist.” — Squidward Tentacles
3. “I’m not a Krusty Krab pizza delivery boy, I’m a cashier.” — Squidward Tentacles
4. “Welcome to the Krusty Krab, where it’s almost as if the evolutionary clock ticks backward.” — Squidward Tentacles
5. “I’m not just ready to go to work, I’m ready to go home.” — Squidward Tentacles
6. “I work all day for this family, and what do I get in return? Nothing!” — Squidward Tentacles
7. “I’m not a talent scout, I’m a cashier.” — Squidward Tentacles
8. “Nobody gives a care about the fate of labor as long as they can get their instant gratification.” — Squidward Tentacles
9. “I’m just a cashier, I’m not supposed to like my job.” — Squidward Tentacles
10. “I order the food, you cook the food. The customer gets the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die.” — Squidward Tentacles
Squidward Quotes On Happiness
1. “Happiness is just a temporary chemical imbalance of the true state of mind.” — Squidward Tentacles
2. “Happiness is overrated.” — Squidward Tentacles
3. “Happiness? Is that something you eat?” — Squidward Tentacles
4. “I’m not happy, I’m content. There’s a difference.” — Squidward Tentacles
5. “Happiness is a myth, like unicorns or healthy fast food.” — Squidward Tentacles
6. “Happiness is fleeting, but misery is forever.” — Squidward Tentacles
7. “I’m so happy, I could just scream. But I’m too depressed to bother.” — Squidward Tentacles
8. “I’d rather be unhappy and have good art than be happy and have bad art.” — Squidward Tentacles
9. “I was in the future and then I was in the past, and there was nowhere, and at last, I’m home, and — you don’t know how happy I am to see you guys!” — Squidward Tentacles
10. “Happiness is like an old man who has lost his dentures, you know it’s around somewhere, but you just can’t seem to find it.” — Squidward Tentacles
Sad Squidward Quotes
1. “Why must every eleven minutes of my life be filled with misery? Why?!” — Squidward Tentacles
2. “I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me.” — Squidward Tentacles
3. “Why is it that whenever I’m having fun, it’s wrong?” — Squidward Tentacles
4. “Welcome to the House of Misery. May I take your order? — Squidward Tentacles
5. “It’s just a cruel reminder that I’m single and likely to remain that way forever.” — Squidward Tentacles
6. “This city needs to be destroyed or at least painted another color.” — Squidward Tentacles
7. “Well, you did it. You took my one chance of happiness and crushed it. Crushed it into little tiny, bite-sized pieces. I really had expected better of you people. I guess I’m a loser for that, too.” — Squidward Tentacles
8. “I guess I’ll just have to settle for my old dream: marrying my clarinet.” — Squidward Tentacles
9. “Oh, it’s days like this that make me wish I had gone to college.” — Squidward Tentacles
10. “I’m not as miserable as I look, I’m much worse.” — Squidward Tentacles
Squidward Being Rude Quotes
1. “If I had a dollar for every brain you don’t have, I’d have one dollar.” — Squidward Tentacles
2. “Just when I thought they couldn’t get any stupider.” — Squidward Tentacles
3. “I hate all of you!” — Squidward Tentacles
4. “If you think I’m gonna stand out there all day listening to annoying SpongeBob noises, then you must have coral wedged in your frontal lobe!” — Squidward Tentacles
5. “Do you have barnacles for brains?” — Squidward Tentacles
6. “Wait. I thought you were some other idiot.” — Squidward Tentacles
7. “That’s not what I meant you barnacle head!” — Squidward Tentacles
8. “How did I ever get surrounded by such loser neighbors?” — Squidward Tentacles
9. “One — I hate you. And two — how can that be me when I’m standing right here!?” — Squidward Tentacles
10. “I don’t know what’s worse: your breath or your ideas.” — Squidward Tentacles
Savage Squidward Quotes
1. “I’m a winner, see my prize! You’re a loser who sits and cries!” — Squidward Tentacles
2. “I’m so sorry I’m late, my alarm clock didn’t go off because I forgot to turn it on after I threw it against the wall for waking me up yesterday.” — Squidward Tentacles
3. “No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument!” — Squidward Tentacles
4. “Shut your half-wit pie holes.” — Squidward Tentacles
5. “Just do me a favor and stop doing me favors!” — Squidward Tentacles
6. “Just get me out of here!” — Squidward Tentacles
7. “That was my cheese. It’s supposed to smell like that, kelp for brains!” — Squidward Tentacles
8. “It’s Tentacles! Not tennis balls!” — Squidward Tentacles
9. “Because I am all out of MONEEEEEEY!!!!” — Squidward Tentacles
10. “I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell.” — Squidward Tentacles
Handsome & Talented Squidward Quotes
1. “Good morning, my people! I’m sorry to have kept you waiting, but even I, strange as it seems, need my beauty sleep.” — Squidward Tentacles
2. “Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you.” — Squidward Tentacles
3. “But it’s my only night to be fancy!” — Squidward Tentacles
4. “Beautiful and talented. What more do they want? Don’t worry folks, there’s more where that came from.” — Squidward Tentacles
5. “Hello. You’ve reached the house of unrecognized talent.” — Squidward Tentacles
6. “I’m not just good, I’m super good.” — Squidward Tentacles
7. “You can’t fool me. I listen to public radio.” — Squidward Tentacles
8. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” — Squidward Tentacles
9. “I’m not just good at clarinet, I’m the best!” — Squidward Tentacles
10. “What are those Neanderthals doing? Can’t they see I’m spoiling myself?” — Squidward Tentacles
Sarcastic Squidward Quotes
1. “I’m not sure if sarcasm is a language, but if it is, then you’re fluent.” — Squidward Tentacles
2. “SpongeBob isn’t here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here.” — Squidward Tentacles
3. “Everybody’s a critic.” — Squidward Tentacles
4. “I’m just trying to be honest here. Why don’t you go back to pretending like I don’t exist?” — Squidward Tentacles
5. “Wake me up when I care.” — Squidward Tentacles
6. “Oh, I get it. A joke!” — Squidward Tentacles
7. “Oh, sure. I’ll just jump into my time machine, go back to the moment I met you, and tell myself to run the other way.” — Squidward Tentacles
8. “Wow, a promotion. That means I’ll be managing my own misery.” — Squidward Tentacles
9. “I can’t believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts.” — Squidward Tentacles
10. “You know what’s really funny? You’re like the brother I never wanted.” — Squidward Tentacles
Squidward Love Quotes
1. “I’d rather be alone and miserable than with someone else and miserable.” — Squidward Tentacles
2. “I’m not interested in any of this lovey-dovey stuff.” — Squidward Tentacles
3. “Love is just a waste of time.” — Squidward Tentacles
4. “Love is for suckers.” — Squidward Tentacles
5. “I don’t need someone else to complete me. I’m already complete.” — Squidward Tentacles
Squidward Just Being Himself Quotes
1. “I might as well sleep for 100 years or so.” — Squidward Tentacles
2. “Don’t say anything Squidward. Remember your karma.” — Squidward Tentacles
3. “Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly no one can hear us.” — Squidward Tentacles
4. “You can’t fool me. I listen to public radio.” — Squidward Tentacles
5. “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about, but I don’t care.” — Squidward Tentacles
6. “Public life ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.” — Squidward Tentacles
7. “I don’t have to put up with this, I’m going home.” — Squidward Tentacles
8. “I don’t want to be part of your stupid club, okay? I don’t want to be part of any club that would have me as a member!” — Squidward Tentacles
9. “If you’re looking for someone to make you feel good about yourself, you’ve come to the wrong squid.” — Squidward Tentacles
10. “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?” — Squidward Tentacles
11. “I don’t know who you are, but I know I don’t like you.” — Squidward Tentacles
12. “Oh, delicious food is my favorite kind of food!” — Squidward Tentacles
13. “I’m not a fan of fun, SpongeBob.” — Squidward Tentacles
14. “When I die, you stay away from my funeral.” — Squidward Tentacles
15. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you since the day we met… Goodbye.” — Squidward Tentacles
Wrapping It Up
Squidward may not be the most optimistic character in the show and his cynical attitude can make him appear unlikable, especially when compared to the cheerful SpongeBob.
However, I believe that’s exactly what makes him so distinctive and unique and his life perspectives so insightful.
As for me, I consider the grouchy octopus the actual hero of SpongeBob SquarePants.
Would you agree?
Read next: Coolest Collection Of 170 SpongeBob Quotes You Can’t Miss
