If smoking is your guilty pleasure, then this is the article is for you. I’ve collected the 130 best smoke captions every smoker must read!
Top 20 Smoke Captions
Let’s begin with the 20 best smoking captions.
1. Drink about it, smoke about it, but never talk about it.
2. Are they still ‘bad habits’ if I like them?
3. Not every person who smokes is bad, and not every person who goes to the temple is good.
4. Cigarette packets and love both are the same. The only difference between them is that at least cigarette packets come with a warning.
5. Dear cigarette, thank you for being the only one to stand by me when I’m down.
6. Negativity spreads like secondhand smoke.
7. Smoking is good for the environment because it kills human beings.
8. My doctor asked me how much I smoked, I told him just enough to stay addicted.
9. Why pay $100 on a therapy session when you can spend $25 on a cigar?
10. Smoking is like getting burned inside but you can never feel it.
11. A cigarette is the only consumer product which when used as directed, kills its consumer.
12. Smoke your pipe and be silent; there’s only wind and smoke in the world.
13. Life is the art of dying.
14. Only a fool would put his lips at the other end of a burning fire.
15. When the smoke is in your eyes, you look so alive.
16. Smoking answers the existential question: how you are going to die.
17. I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days, I lost two weeks.
18. You burn like hell, pure red and stormy and I fly like smoke, pure black and gloomy.
19. If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer.
20. The smoke of his cigarette burdened her trust in him.
Funny Smoke Captions
Some of these smoke captions are brutal, but you’ll love them.
1. I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time. I have no other restrictions with regard to smoking.
2. Smoking helps in losing weight, one lung at a time.
3. Please don’t throw your cigarette ends on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.
4. I make it a rule never to smoke while I am sleeping.
5. Smokers don’t grow old. They die young.
6. I hate cigarettes. That’s why I burn them.
7. Do you smoke pot? Because weed be cute together?
8. The best way to quit smoking is to keep wet cigarettes.
9. I told myself I would quit, but then I remembered what my grandmother told me I am not a quitter.
10. Do french people smoke weed or oui’d?
11. I only smoke when I drink. I’m down to two packs a day!
12. Home is where the bong is.
13. Why drink and drive? When you can smoke and fly.
14. I may not be smokingly hot but I’m definitely smoking pot.
15. Read an article the other day that said smoking is bad for you. This upset me so much that I decided never to read again.
16. Whenever I think about quitting smoking, I need a cigarette to think about it.
17. I say no to cigarettes, but they don’t listen to me.
18. Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your cigarettes.
19. Smoking a Cigarette reduces life by 5 minutes, and Laughing increases life by 10 minutes. A laughing Smoker never dies.
20. Cigarettes never hurt anyone. The trouble starts when you light them.
21. Smoking and getting caught by your father is injurious to your health.
Short Smoking Captions For Instagram
These short smoke captions are perfect for those who prefer to keep it simple.
1. Cigarettes are a classy way to commit suicide.
2. A cigarette a day keeps the doctor with pay.
3. Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic’s best friend.
4. Much smoking kills live men and cures dead swine.
5. I smoke when I feel alone.
6. Don’t try to stop smoking. Just stop smoking.
7. A cigarette for a thousand problems.
8. I literally forgot to smoke for a whole week.
9. Smoke your heart out!
10. Love is smoke made with the fume of sighs.
11. The best way to quit is to never start.
12. Don’t kill my high because you’re low.
13. A good cigar is the perfect end of the week.
14. I like the way he smokes his cigarettes.
15. Non-smokers die every day. Sleep tight!
16. Smoking doesn’t help even when you think it does.
17. Smoking is an expenditure beyond your need.
18. If you’re thinking about smoking, think again.
19. Red eyes, big smile.
20. I never knew I was addicted until I tried to stop.
21. Burn calories, not cigarettes.
22. Cigarettes are killers that travel in packs.
23. Cancer cures smoking.
24. Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
25. Sooner or later, everyone stops smoking.
26. The only safer cigarette is your last one.
Smoking Captions For Instagram
Here are more great smoke captions for all the nicotine lovers.
1. If I cannot smoke cigars in heaven, I shall not go.
2. He who doth not smoke hath either known no great griefs, or refused himself the softest consolation, next to that which comes from heaven.
3. Then she declared loudly, “Smoke break!” and everyone’s eyes came to us, some of them shocked seeing as these days you could light up a doobie and no one would blink but if you lit up a smoke, you courted being publicly stoned to death.
4. If she can smoke as much as you, wife that girl.
5. I never went to high school, but I went to school high many times.
6. I tried to stop smoking my special cigarettes, but when I went outside, the graphics weren’t as good, so I sparked up a spliff and the world went back to normal.
7. Smoking might kill time, sooner than you would want.
8. I love to walk in a fog because nobody knows I’m smoking.
9. To the average cigarette smoker, the world is his ashtray.
10. Every year, thousands of people quit smoking just because they die.
11. Be nice to the people who smoke cigarettes, any cigarette might be their last.
12. To know more about lung cancer, keep smoking.
13. The best time to quit smoking was the day you started. The second-best time to quit is today.
14. I think one can tell a lot about a person from the way he chooses to let the stub of his cigarette burn out.
15. Smoke defies the axiom that whatever goes up must come down!
16. Fake coughing in front of smokers just to make them feel guilty!
17. Smoking is like cutting onions, it affects you and the people beside you.
18. Love and smoking are the same, they both hurt us when leaving.
19. It’s been proven that 100% of people who smoke diet’s also been proven that 100% of people that don’t smoke die too.
20. Cigarette: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
21. Some things are better eschewed than chewed; tobacco is one of them.
22. She bites her nails, he clicks his pen, I smoke cigarettes.
23. A half-smoked cigarette is still smoked, and a half broken heart’s still broke.
24. When you light a cigarette, your life burns with it.
25. If people don’t love themselves enough to cut down on their smoking, they may love someone else enough to do it.
26. Smoking is a habit that drains your money and kills you slowly, one puff after another. Quit smoking, start living.
27. Life’s vibrant hues are way too beautiful and precious to be distorted by the smoke of cigarettes.
28. To clear up all the confusion, you shouldn’t quit good things like rehab, and you should quit bad things like smoking.
Attitude Smoking Captions
1. Every smoker has a story, so before you say smoking kills, I want you to know that something is already killing him.
2. I didn’t like having to explain to them, so I just shut up, smoked a cigarette, and looked at the sea.
3. Harassing me about my smoking may be hazardous to your health.
4. I quit smoking for my heart, and the hearts of those I love.
5. Smoking is bad, but the reason I smoke is worse.
6. Smoking kills, but if you don’t smoke doesn’t mean you will never die.
7. Do not approach unless you come bearing caffeine and nicotine! All others will be disemboweled. Thank you for your understanding in this difficult time.
8. What’s worse than a smoker with an attitude? An enraged non- smoker.
9. So what if I smoke weed? The last time I checked, it was my life, not yours.
10. People say smoking kill, but what about feelings, bro?
11. The admirable difference between smokers and non-smokers is: smokers don’t mind that non-smokers don’t smoke.
12. Smoking isn’t the only thing that kills. In life today, nearly everything kills. Guess I should give up life.
13. A good cigar is a great comfort to a man, just like a cry for a woman.
14. One cigarette can mean the difference between pacifism and mass homicide.
15. Cigarettes are better than girls. Both of them burn your heart, at least the former you can touch with your lips.
16. I don’t smoke weed to escape reality. I smoke weed to enjoy reality even more.
17. Smokers are the kindest people ever until they have no smokes.
18. Just pass the bong, smoking is no big deal, it makes you lose weight.
19. Has never understood having a smoking and non-smoking section in restaurants. That’s like having a peeing section in a swimming pool!! Seriously.
20. I want to know why everyone thinks I should quit smoking? Don’t they realize it’s safer for them if I don’t?
22. People tell me I should not smoke because it makes me look like a tit. I use exactly the same argument when people tell me they go to the gym.
23. They say that when you smoke a cigarette, you lose 7 minutes of your life. Well, that’s seven minutes of sh*t I don’t have to put up with.
24. Maybe smoking is interesting but it kills!
25. Smoked a blunt and forgot about you.
Smoking Quotes For Instagram
You can use these famous smoking quotes as cool Instagram smoke captions.
1. “Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.” — Mark Twain
2. “The more people smoke herb, the more babylon fall.” — Bob Marley
3. “I’m not really a heavy smoker anymore. I only get through two lighters a day now.” — Bill Hicks
4. “A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?” — Oscar Wilde
5. “I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgment in all human affairs.” — Albert Einstein
6. “Coffee and smoking are the last great addictions.” — Lara Flynn Boyle
7. “I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” — Aristotle
8. “Self-righteousness has killed more people than smoking.” — John McCarthy
9. “The believing we do something when we do nothing is the first illusion of tobacco.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
10. “I just don’t want anyone messing around with my pure smoking pleasure.” — Max Cannon
Final Words
We’re not here to argue about whether smoking is a good or bad thing. We’re here to enjoy cool and funny smoke captions!
Now, you have plenty of captions both smokers and non-smokers can use.
I hope you liked the article.
Talk to you soon!
