100 Brilliant Calvin And Hobbes Quotes To Blow Your Mind

Take a trip down memory lane and read some of the best Calvin and Hobbes quotes to recall your childhood memories.

Contents show

10 Greatest Calvin And Hobbes Quotes

1. “It’s a magical world, Hobbes, ol’ buddy…Let’s go exploring!” — Calvin

2. “I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.” — Hobbes

3. “No one recognizes my hints to smother me with affection.” — Calvin

4. “Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them.” — Hobbes

5. “Do you think our morality is defined by our actions, or by what’s inside our hearts?” — Calvin

6. “In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.” — Calvin

7. “What on Earth am I doing in here on this beautiful day?! This is the only life I’ve got!” — Calvin

8. “Given that sooner or later, we’re all just going to die, what’s the point of learning about integers?” — Calvin

9. “Calvin: They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.

Hobbes: Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re in a tragedy or a farce.”

10. “You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.” — Calvin

Calvin And Hobbes Quotes To Fascinate You

1. “Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.” — Calvin

2. “Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!” — Calvin

3. “Yep. It’s our patriotic duty to buy distractions from a simple life.” — Mom

4. “As the wage earner here, it’s your responsibility to show some consumer confidence and start buying things that will get the economy going and create profits and employment. Here’s a list of some big-ticket items I’d like for Christmas. I hope I can trust you to do what’s right for our country.” — Calvin

5. “Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.” — Calvin

6. “If your emotional security depends on satisfying a need you didn’t have until you read the ad, go ahead.” — Hobbes

7. “Mom says death is as natural as birth, and it’s all part of the life cycle. She says we don’t really understand it, but there are many things we don’t understand, and we just have to do the best we can with the knowledge we have. I guess that makes sense. (hugs Hobbes) But don’t you go anywhere.” — Calvin

8. “Calvin: I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.

Hobbes: I think if you’re born, it’s too late.”

9. “This is where Dad buried the little raccoon. I didn’t even know he existed a few days ago, and now he’s gone forever. It’s like I met him for no reason. I had to say goodbye as soon as I said hello. Still… In a sad, awful, terrible way, I’m happy I met him. What a stupid world.” — Calvin

10. “You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help.” — Calvin

11. “Hobbes: It says here that by the age of six, most children have seen a million murders on television.

Calvin: I find that very disturbing! [beat] It means I’ve been watching all the wrong channels.”

12. “The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that’s even worse.” — Calvin’s Dad

13. “Your denial of my victimhood is lowering my self esteem!” — Calvin

14. “Isn’t it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humour? When you think about it, it’s weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it’s funny. Don’t you think it’s odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us?” — Calvin

15. “This is a big, fat waste of my time! Help! It’s the thought police!” — Calvin

16. “When a person pauses in mid sentence to choose a word, that’s the best time to jump in and change the subject.” — Calvin

17. “As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever.” — Calvin

18. “I don’t care about issues! I’ve got better things to do than argue with every wrongheaded crackpot with an ignorant opinion! I’m a busy man.” — Calvin

19. “It’s hard to argue with someone who looks so happy.” — Calvin

20. “You just go about your business and one day you realize you’re not the same person you used to be. People change whether they decide to or not!” — Calvin

Iconic Calvin And Hobbes Quotes

1. “Nobody asks me how things ought to be. I’ve got tons of ideas!” — Calvin

2. “Know what’s weird? Day to day nothing seems to change, but pretty soon everything is different.” — Calvin

3. “If ignorance is bliss, this lesson would appear to be a deliberate attempt on your part to deprive me of happiness, the pursuit of which is my unalienable right according to the Declaration of Independence. I therefore assert my patriotic prerogative not to know this material. I’ll be out on the playground.” — Calvin

4. “Your mom’s going to go into conniptions when she sees this lying around.” — Hobbes

5. “Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.” — Calvin

6. “Calvin: Omigosh! This library book was due two days ago!! What will they do? Are they going to interrogate me and beat me up?! Are they going to break my knees?? Will I have to sign some confession???

Mom: They’ll fine you ten cents. Now go return it.”

7. “Why does the universe always give you the sign after you do it?” — Calvin

8. “Here’s an ad for a new gum called “Hyperbubble,” and it says, “If you’re not chewing Hyperbubble, you might as well be chewing your own cud.” Ooh, great copy! Gosh, am I cool enough to chew Hyperbubble? Maybe I’m not! Maybe if you chew Hyperbubble, you become cool! Or maybe if you chew it, everyone assumes you’re cool, so it doesn’t matter if you are or not!” — Calvin

9. “Here I am, waiting for the bus. Eleven more years of school to go. Then college, then maybe graduate school, and then I work untill I die.” — Calvin

10. “I am the culmination of creation!” — Calvin

11. “Calvin: HEYY! (Calvin is now covered in mud.) Why’d you do that?!?

Hobbes: You were in my way. Now you’re not. The end justify the means.

Calvin: I didn’t mean for everyone, you dolt! Just me!”

12. “Calvin: Miss Wormwood, I’m not going to learn this material unless you make it enthralling.

Miss Wormwood: I see. And what will you do if the rest of your life doesn’t entertain you every minute?

Calvin: What, you think I’ll live someplace that doesn’t get cable?!”

13. “I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information, as it might compromise our agents in the field.” — Calvin

14. “If people could put rainbows in zoos, they’d do it!” — Hobbes

Profound Quotes From Calvin And Hobbes

1. “Nothing is permanent, everything changes. That’s the one thing we know for sure in this world.” — Calvin

2. “I think night time is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.” — Calvin

3. “I tell you Hobbes, it’s great to have a friend who appreciates an earnest discussion of ideas.” — Calvin

4. “How old do you have to be before you know what’s going on?” — Calvin

5. “Why do I get the feeling that society is trying to make us discontented with everything we do and insecure about who we are?” — Dad

6. “I suppose if people thought about real issues and needs instead of manufactured desires, the economy would collapse and we’d have total anarchy.” — Mom

7. “You know, Hobbes, I can’t figure out this death stuff. Why did that little raccoon have to die? He didn’t do anything wrong. He was just little! What’s the point of putting him here and taking him back so soon?!?” — Calvin

8. “I don’t believe in ethics any more. As far as I’m concerned, the ends justify the means. Get what you can while the getting’s good, that’s what I say! Might Makes Right!” — Calvin

9. “Calvin: People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.” — Calvin

10. “If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?” — Hobbes

11. “I’m thinking of starting my own talk radio show. I’ll spout simplistic opinions for hours on end, ridicule anyone who disagrees with me, and generally foster divisiveness, cynicism, and a lower level of public dialogue!” — Calvin

12. “Isn’t it sad how some people’s grip on their lives is so precarious that they’ll embrace any prepostreous delussion, rather than face an occassional bleak truth?” — Calvin

13. “We seem to understand the value of oil, timber, minerals and housing, but not the value of unspoiled beauty, wildlife, solitude and spiritual renewal.” — Calvin

14. “Dad, are you vocariously living through me in the hope that my accomplishments will validate your mediocre life, and in some way compensate for all the opportunities you botched?” — Calvin

15. “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” — Calvin

16. “This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn’t make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery? If the guy exists, why doesn’t he ever show himself and prove it? And if he doesn’t exist, what’s the meaning of all this?” — Calvin

17. “Oh greatest of the mass media, thank you for elevating emotion, reducing thought, and stifling imagination.” — Calvin

18. “I wondered, is it better to do the right thing and fail or is it better to do the wrong thing and succeed?” — Calvin

19. “Our lives are filled with machines designed to reduce work and increase leisure. We have more leisure than any man has ever had. And what do we do with this leisure? Educate ourselves? Take up new interests? Explore? Invent? Create?” — Calvin’s Dad

20. “We hurl through an incomprehensible darkness. In cosmic terms, we are subatomic particles in a grain of sand on an infinite beach.” — Calvin

Calvin And Hobbes Quotes To Bring Back Childhood Memories

1. “I think grown-ups just act like they know what they’re doing.” — Calvin

2. “Dad: What do you want to be when you grow up? Every job requires some math.

Calvin: That’s not true! I’ll be a… a… a caveman! Yeah!”

3. “Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.” — Calvin

4. “Hobbes: Whatcha doin’?

Calvin: I’m writing my autobiography.

Hobbes: But you’re just six years old.

Calvin: I’ve only got one sheet of paper.”

5. “Becoming an adult is probably the dumbest thing you could ever do.” — Calvin

6. “Why is it always night when we talk about these things?” — Hobbes

7. “I try to make everyone’s day a little more surreal.” — Calvin

8. “Mom: I saw your teacher at the supermarket. She said to tell you hello.

Calvin: You saw Miss Wormwood at the supermarket?

Mom: What’s so unusual about that?

Calvin: I just figured that teachers slept inside coffins over the summer.”

9. “You know, school wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t have to go every day… and if you didn’t have to learn anything… and if you took away all the teachers and all the other kids. If it was completely different, school would be great.” — Calvin

10. “Given the pace of technology, I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside.” — Calvin

11. “Ya know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.” — Calvin

12. “Isn’t it weird that ones own past can seem unreal? This is like looking at a picture of someone else.” — Calvin

13. “If it were up to Dad, leisure would be as bad as work.” — Calvin

14. “I must say, the future is quite a bit different than I expected.” — Calvin

15. “I won’t eat any cereal that doesn’t turn the milk purple.” — Calvin

Calvin And Hobbes Quotes To Inspire You

1. “If you couldn’t find any weirdness, maybe we’ll just have to make some.” — Hobbes

2. “If you care, you just get disappointed all the time. If you don’t care, nothing matters. So you’re never upset.” — Calvin

3. “What assurance do I have that this education is adequately preparing me for the 21st century? Am I getting the skills I’ll need to effectively compete in a tough, global economy? I want a high-paying job when I get out of here! I want opportunity!” — Calvin

4. “So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?” — Hobbes

5. “The world bores you when you’re cool.” — Calvin

6. “There’s no problem so awful that you can’t add some guilt to it and make it even worse.” — Calvin

7. “Why should I have to work for everything? It’s like I don’t deserve it!” — Calvin

8. “What you get out of school depends on what you put into it.” — Ms. Wormwood

9. “If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I’ll bet they’d live a lot differently.” — Calvin

10. “Change is invigorating! If you don’t accept new challenges you become complacent and lazy. Your life atrophies!” — Calvin

11. “Life’s too darn short to waste time trying to please every meddlesome moron who’s got an idea how I ought to be! I don’t need advice! Everyone can just stay out of my face.” — Calvin

12. “Great experiences are even better when they’re shared.” — Calvin

13. “I like to experience life to the fullest. I say you don’t fully appreciate life until you risk losing it.” — Calvin

14. “I find my life is easier the lower I keep everyone’s expectations.” — Calvin

15. “The winners write the history books! It’s a dog-eat-dog world, so I’ll do whatever I have to, and let others argue about whether it’s ‘right’ or not.” — Calvin

The End

I hope you enjoyed these Calvin and Hobbes quotes as much as I enjoyed putting them together. For more inspiration, check out my website. Cheers!