Retirement is a time to unwind, but departing from a familiar workplace and adjusting to new daily routines can be difficult. People who are retiring are bound to feel sentimental. They are frequently depressed as a result of a lack of commitment.
Do you happen to know somebody who has recently retired and would like to brighten their day with some amusing retirement wishes? There is nothing more effective to accomplish this than to give the individual some amusing retirement greetings.
Find some amusing retirement quotes that I gathered by browsing on various online sources, to wish the person who is retiring a happy and enjoyable retirement life.
20 Best Funny Retirement Quotes That Will Make Your Retiree Laugh
1. “Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” – Jonathan Clements
2. “When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.” – Gail Sheehy
3. “But I’m really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake.” ― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil
4. “I didn’t know that painters and writers retired. They’re like soldiers – they just fade away.” ― Lawrence Ferlinghetti
5. “What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.”
6. “At the young age of thirty-two, retirement is not much of a consideration, but when considering a thirty-year transaction it should be.” ― Dale Vermillion, Navigating the Mortgage Maze: The Simple Truth About Financing Your Home
7. “The best thing about retirement is not having to wear pants!” ― Mark Hewer
8. “It doesn’t matter whether you behave like a grumpy retiree or not because people are going to assume that anyways. Good luck dealing with that.”
9. ““Retired people compliment my teeth, then tell me to take care of them. This always makes me think they are trying to steal them.” – Emily Claire Tamblyn
10. “No more alarm clocks” ― Mary Helen Conroy
11. “When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” – R C Sherriff
12. “Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money.”
13. “Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” – Gene Perret
14. “I’ve been attending lots of seminars since my retirement. They’re called naps.” – Harry Emerson Fosdick
15. “Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, ‘Hi, honey, I’m home — forever.’” – Gene Perret
16. “The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” – Abe Lemons
17. “Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and how you want to do it.” – Catherine Pulsifer
18. “When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.” – Chi Chi Rodriguez
19. “Walt also had a humorous sign posted outside the mansion, recruiting ghosts who wanted to enjoy ‘active retirement’ in the “country club atmosphere’ of this ‘fashionable address’. Interested ghosts were to write to the ‘Ghost Relations Dept. Disneyland,’ and were told,’Do not apply in person.” ― Leslie Le Mon, The Disneyland Book of Secrets 2014 – Dca: One Local’s Unauthorized, Rapturous and Indispensable Guide to the Happiest Place on Earth
20. “When you retire, you switch bosses — from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” – Gene Perret
See also: 200 Greatest Life Lessons Quotes To Live Your Best Life
20 Funny Retirement Messages
1. “Can you believe that finally from now on all days on your calendar are marked as Sundays? Enjoy them and may you always have a smile on your face. Happy retirement.”
2. “Congratulations on your retirement. Now you will be forced to work on a never-ending project that will take up all your time and it’s called – Doing Nothing.”
3. “It is interesting to note that when people are giving you retirement gifts there is always a watch or a clock as if to tell you that your time is up. Have a time-free retirement.”
4. “All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.”
5. “Now it’s time for you to get rich with your pensions and give us the privilege of having a rich friend!”
6. “Happy retirement! Put in a good word for us before you leave.”
7. “Hope you had fun working all these years. Now the real hard work begins, managing so much free time!”
8. “Retirement is the only thing that will make you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can get back to being a child at the end of it all. Have fun.”
9. “Health, family, friends and relationships are some of the things that you sacrificed in your life so that you could work harder and earn more money. Now you will realize that you need these things to enjoy retirement. Such is the irony of life.”
10. “We can now officially call you by your real name. Hope it is not “Boss”!”
11. “All these years you argued with your colleagues, juniors, managers and your boss at work. After retirement, you will argue with your grandkids, children and wife at home. Life remains the same.”
12. “Now it’s your time to say goodbye to tension and say hello to your pension—happy twice-a-year holiday.”
13. “Congratulations on gaining two new best friends -bed and couch. From now on, you will hang out with them mostly.”
14. “You always badly waited for holidays. So now you are going to get six-months holidays twice a year.”
15. “For you, the weekend has seven days. Congratulations on the extended weekend. By the way, happy retirement.”
16. “Best wishes on your retirement! Nothing can stop you from going on all the adventures now, except your laziness, maybe.”
17. “Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache… unless you play golf.” – Gene Perret
18. “Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” – Gene Perret
19. “I hope you will now enjoy all the discounts for a senior citizen. Enjoy your retirement like a pro. Have fun and be happy – you deserve it.”
20. “Planning for retirement is like planning your first ever date. No matter how meticulously you plan, nothing will actually happen according to plan but you’ll still love it. Congratulations.”
30 Funny Retirement Quotes For Your Favorite Co-worker
1. “Before you’d have to wait for holidays, now the rest of your life is one! Do enjoy it.”
2. “As I see it you have been practicing how to retire and now the real thing is here. You are so good at it that there should be no problem taking up your new role. Have a happy retirement.”
3. “Happy retirement and my advice is that you do not try to say that you are coming back because you will be surprised at people’s reactions. No one will give back your office nor your parking space. No one misses you that much.”
4. “Retirement is like graduation- only this time, you will do a master’s degree in laziness!”
5. “If you don’t work, you will never be late for work! Happy retirement.”
6. “Seeing your performance over the years you’ve worked, I’m sure that you’ll be very good at doing nothing!”
7. “Now you get a new boss who knows about your true work ethic, organizational skills, and excuses. Spouses make the toughest bosses. Good luck!”
8. “No matter how many college degrees, skill development courses and professional accreditations you have received, there is one more qualification you will still receive after your retirement – A master of Doing Nothing. Congratulations.”
9. “Have a happy retirement and try not to take life too seriously. After all, you took things easy for all the years that you worked. Why should you change now?”
10. “For someone who looks forward to lying around all day, retirement must be thrilling! Have fun.”
11. “When people say that this place will not be the same without you, they actually mean that it will be less annoying.”
12. “You’re retiring now? I thought you did it the day you joined here. I mean, when did you ever work?”
13. “Congratulations on availing of the longest vacation of your life! Enjoy your infinite free time and do not tell us how much fun you are having.”
14. “Your wish has come true! You can now sit around your couch all day instead of sitting around in your office chair.”
15. “Don’t let everyone’s loving words fool you; I’m the only one in the office who is going to miss you.”
16. “We’re not going to miss you at all! Meetings are fun, office work is brilliant. P.s. Please get us out of here!”
17. “Your retirement hurts me; not because you’re leaving, but because of the worry that what if the next boss also happens to be like you?”
18. “We will miss you, boss, other than your screaming, glowering, and pretty much showing up at the office.”
19. “You’re done bossing us, now you can do it around your grandkids and pets; because bossing is in your blood.”
20. “I’m jealous that every day of the week will be the weekend for you. Have a good life ahead!”
21. “Pre-retirement means 9 to 5 under your boss. Post-retirement means 9 to 5 under your wife. Farewell.”
22. “Congratulations on having a new boss. I hope your wife doesn’t give you lots of assignments. All the best for the future. Happy retirement!”
23. “Do you think that life after retirement is an adventure? Well, it is if you count trekking out of bed, climbing atop sofas, and diving into takeaways. Have fun.”
24. “Retirement is the only thing that will make you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can get back to being a child at the end of it all. Have fun.”
25. “We know you are going to miss bossing us around. Don’t forget to drop by and scold our new boss!”
26. “I envy you so much because you will be able to enjoy your morning sleep from now on. Congratulations on your retirement.”
27. “Now Fridays aren’t the best day of the week anymore… they all are!”
28. “How do you know it’s time to retire? It’s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!”
29. “Why don’t retirees mind being called seniors? Because the term comes with a 10% discount.”
30. “Did you know that the world’s longest coffee break is often referred to as retirement? Enjoy it!”
See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Aging Gracefully
20 Funny Retirement Quotes To Send To Your Dear Friend
1. “If life is a meal, retirement is its dessert. To enjoy it, stay fit, and don’t let your blood sugar go high!”
2. “I know a lazy guy like you deserves an early retirement! Congrats on your well-deserved leisure.”
3. “Welcome to the old man club. It’s time to gossip about joint pain, high bp, sugar level, and so on!”
4. “Congratulations to a lazy bone like you for completing work-life! Finally, you can go back to being your true self.”
5. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain
6. “There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Some call it retirement; I call it bliss.” – Betty Sullivan
7. “In retirement, I look for days off from my days off.” – Mason Cooley
8. Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.” – Betty White
9. “I need to retire from retirement.” – Sandra Day O’Connor
10. “I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off.” – Steve Young
11. “Retirement: it’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” – Gene Perret
12. “I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So, I do it three or four times a day. – Gene Perret
13. “You’re retired – goodbye tension, hello pension.”
14. “The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.”
15. “Retirement is when you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.”
16. “Don’t act your age in retirement. Act like the inner young person you have always been.” – J.A. West
17. “Golf is played by 20 million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.” – Jim Bishop
18. “In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day.”
19. “Retired is being tired twice, I’ve thought, the first tired of working, then tired of not.” – Richard Armour
20. “Retirement is when you stop living at work and begin working at living.”
20 Retirement Quotes To Think About
1. “Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too.” ― Charles Baxter, The Feast of Love
2. “He knew now that it was his own will to happiness which must make the next move. But if he was to do so, he realized that he must come to terms with time, that to have time was at once the most magnificent and the most dangerous of experiments. Idleness is fatal only to the mediocre.” ― Albert Camus, A Happy Death
3. “A man approaching retirement called the retirement office to inquire about his pension. Afterward, he was asked if his wife worked. “She’s worked all her life making me happy”, he replied. “Yes sir, but has she earned money to receive her pension?” “When we got married we agreed on an arrangement”, he said. “I would earn the living, and she would make the living worthwhile”.
“Make the living worthwhile”…have we forgotten the very essence of that? Have we forgotten to live for someone else, that doing so IS what makes a living worthwhile?”
― Kelly Crawford
4. “Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.”― Mokokoma Mokhonoana
5. “It appears history is going to keep happening, despite our hopes for retirement.”
― Gregory Maguire, Out of Oz
6. “I often think about dogs when I think about work and retirement. There are many breeds of dog that just need to be working, and useful, or have a job of some kind, in order to be happy. Otherwise they are neurotically barking, scratching, or tearing up the sofa. A working dog needs to work. And I am a working dog.” ― Martha Sherrill
7. “Every day the increasing weight of years admonishes me more and more, that the shade of retirement is as necessary to me as it will be welcome.” ― George Washington, George Washington’s Farewell Address
8. “I believe that the biggest mistake that most people make when it comes to their retirement is they do not plan for it. They take the same route as Alice in the story from “Alice in Wonderland,” in which the cat tells Alice that surely she will get somewhere as long as she walks long enough. It may not be exactly where you wanted to get to, but you certainly get somewhere.” ― Mark Singer, The Changing Landscape Of Retirement – What You Don’t Know Could Hurt You
9. “Retirement sounds appropriate when you are ageing, fact is you aged because you have been thinking of retirement.” ― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words
10. “The goal of retirement is to live off your assets-not on them” ― Frank Eberhart
11. “Plan to retire in ill health and hope to retire in good health.” ― Steven Magee
12. “Retirement can be the loneliest period in life. It is a period in which one suddenly feels irrelevant and like an outcast. Many people only exist insofar as their connection to or validation through their work. Millions of Americans, for the sake of making living, they cannot even afford nurturing relationships with family and friends. Their work schedules keep them totally isolated and lonely. By the time they retire, it suddenly dawns on them that they almost have nobody left now that their coworkers are history.” ― Louis Yako
13. “Taking the initiative to enjoy what comes, to share it with others, and to make a difference in whatever you do will be the ultimate yardstick for determining the success of your retirement.” ― Eldon Henson, Retirement is Underrated!: Practical step-by-step guide for making retirement the best time of your life
14. “They seek for themselves private retiring places, as country villages, the sea-shore, mountains; yea thou thyself art wont to long much after such places. But all this thou must know proceeds from simplicity in the highest degree. At what time soever thou wilt, it is in thy power to retire into thyself, and to be at rest, and free from all businesses. A man cannot any whither retire better than to his own soul; he especially who is beforehand provided of such things within, which whensoever he doth withdraw himself to look in, may presently afford unto him perfect ease and tranquillity…. free from all confusion and tumultuousness. Afford then thyself this retiring continually, and thereby refresh and renew thyself. Let these precepts be brief and fundamental, which as soon as thou dost call them to mind, may suffice thee to purge thy soul throughly, and to send thee away well pleased with those things whatsoever they be, which now again after this short withdrawing of thy soul into herself thou dost return unto.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
15. “Retire from work, not from life.” ― Sukant Ratnakar, Quantraz
16. “I’m afraid of old people. They are what I will one day be.” ― Manuel Vilas, Ordesa: A Novel
17. “If you want time, bake it in from the start. If you want to live the sake of your goals now instead of forty years later in retirement, mix those values in now and watch your way of life rise as it bakes. Forty years later, you’ll have lived what could be considered multiple lives—a polymathic lifestyle. Mix your values into your daily living and find your voice, today.” ― Richie Norton, Anti-Time Management: Reclaim Your Time and Revolutionize Your Results with the Power of Time Tipping
18. “Preparing for your amazing, incredible, mind-blowing retirement involves more than just making sure you’ve saved enough money, have your health-care needs covered, and have your new budget scoped out. While these are important activities, there are others needed to create that new, adventurous, kick-ass life awaiting you.” ― Gary A. Weuve
19. “One of the most difficult decisions that any professional person will ever face is when to retire from their chosen field. Professional ballplayers occasionally hang on until their performance becomes pitiful. It is sad to witness a shell of a former athletic star humble themselves before a crowd. After attaining a level of proficiency through devotion of time and labor, the prospect of retiring from the field of competition creates a lifestyle crisis and frequently triggers depression when the retired professional suffers from diminished ego gratification. Astute professionals realize it is better to withdraw from competition before their diminishing level of performance becomes pitiable. False pride is contemptible because it can seduce a person to continue to remain in any field longer than pragmatic.” ― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls
20. “Retirement is a blank sheet of paper. It is a chance to redesign your life into something new and different.” ― Patrick Foley, Winning at Retirement: A Guide to Health, Wealth & Purpose in the Best Years of Your Life
Final Word
I hope that you have successfully found some funny retirement quotes for your friends, ex co-workers and close people. And I hope that they will like it, too!
Enjoy your friend’s retirement and make them a retirement party!
