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40 Epic Zoolander Quotes That Will Have You In Stitches

40 Epic Zoolander Quotes That Will Have You In Stitches

Here are 40 Zoolander quotes to let you see the world from the perspective of a really, really ridiculously good-looking person. I’m not saying you’re not the one, though.

40 Best Zoolander Quotes

1. “Did you ever think there’s more to life than being really, really, really ridiculously good-looking?” — Derek Zoolander

Image of Derek Zoolander representing the best Zoolander quote.

2. “Eugoogoolizer. One who speaks at funerals.” — Derek Zoolander

3. “Destroy the Prime Minister of Malaysia!” — Mugatu

4. “I’m sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.” — Derek Zoolander

5. “You think that you’re too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite….you aren’t.” — Derek Zoolander

6. “I’m sorry I was born with this perfect bone structure! That my hair looks better done up with gel and mouse, than hidden under a stupid hat with a light on it!” — Derek Zoolander

7. “It’s that damn Hansel! He’s so hot right now!” — Mugatu

8. “You mean you can read minds?” — Derek Zoolander

9. “What is this? A center for ants?” — Derek Zoolander

10. “How bout I answer your question with another question; how many abo-digitals do you see modeling?” — Derek Zoolander

HIlarious Zoolander quote

11. “Pretty soon, they’ll be reading *our* eugoogaly!” — Derek Zoolander

12. “This has been an emotional day for all of us. I think we should get naked.” — Hansel

13. “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!” — Mugatu

14. “Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.” — Derek Zoolander

15. “I’m not an ambi-turner. It’s a problem I had since I was a baby. I can’t turn left.” — Derek Zoolander

16. “Derek Zoolander: Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking “wow, you’re ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career.”

Matilda: Do what for a career?

Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking.”

17. “For god’s sake Derek, you were down there one day!” — Larry Zoolander

18. “There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, “Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman.” — Derek Zoolander

19. “I think the only good thing about it would be there’d be no turns.” — Derek Zoolander

20. “How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?” — Derek Zoolander

Famous quote by Derek Zoolander.

21. “You is talking loco and I like it!” — Hansel

22. “You’re dead to me, son. You’re even more dead to me than your dead mother.” — Larry Zoolander

23. “Obey my dog!” — Mugatu

24. “If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it’s that a male model’s life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn’t mean that we too can’t not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.” — Derek Zoolander

25. “And it was. I’m totally fine! I’ve never even been to Mount Vesuvius.” — Hansel

26. “Damnit Derek, I’m a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.” — Larry Zoolander

27. “Derek, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who can’t turn…I mean, there have got to be some people out there just like you who can’t…turn…turn…left.” — Matilda

28. “Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.” — Maury

29. “I can Derelick my own balls, thank you.” — Derek Zoolander

30. “I felt like, “This guy’s really hurting me.” And it hurt.” — Hansel

31. “As a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, so must you become Derelicte!” — Mugatu

32. “You’re excused, and I’m not your bra!” — Derek Zoolander

33. “I’m a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We think differently than the face and body boys… we’re a different breed.” — J.P. Prewitt

34. “Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!” — Mugatu

35. “Don’t ask questions. Just give in to the power of the tea.” — Hansel

36. “Let’s get back to the reason that we’re really here. Without much further ado, I give you the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good.” — Mugatu

37. “Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.” — Mugatu

38. “Look, I gotta go pee, but I’d really like to continue talking about this conversation when I come back.” — Derek Zoolander

39. “Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people’s lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?” — Derek Zoolander

40. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an after-funeral party to attend.” — Derek Zoolander

Closing Words

These Zoolander quotes remind us that this is one of the best comedies ever made.

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40 Epic Zoolander Quotes That Will Have You In Stitches