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60 Greatest Home Alone Quotes That Define Holiday Magic

60 Greatest Home Alone Quotes That Define Holiday Magic

Let’s take a trip down memory lane and revisit the best Home Alone quotes that’ll make us laugh, feel all warm inside, and wrap us up in the holiday feels!

Top 10 Home Alone Quotes

1. “You can mess with a lot of things. But you can’t mess with kids on Christmas.” — Kevin McCallister

Kevin McCallister in a scared expression representing the best home alone quote

2. “Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back.” — Kevin McCallister

3. “Don’t you know a kid always wins against two idiots?” — Kevin McCallister

4. “This is my house. I have to defend it.” — Kevin McCallister

5. “This is ridiculous. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. And I can’t be a wimp. I’m the man of the house.” — Kevin McCallister

6. “If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won’t forget to remember you.” — Kevin McCallister

7. “Guys, I’m eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!” — Kevin McCallister

8. “I know I don’t deserve a Christmas, even if I did do a good deed. I don’t want any presents. Instead, I want to take back every mean thing I ever said to my family.” — Kevin McCallister

9. “You can be too old for a lot of things, but you’re never too old to be afraid.” — Marley

10. “Your heart might still be broken, but it isn’t gone. If it was gone, you wouldn’t be so nice.” — Kevin McCallister

Most Memorable Home Alone Quotes

1. “Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you’re in there and that you’re all alone.” — Harry

A character of thief Harry with an angry face while being covered in feathers

2. “I got you milk, eggs, and fabric softener.” — Kevin McCallister

3. “This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I’m living alone.” — Kevin McCallister

4.  “I made my family disappear.” — Kevin McCallister

5. “You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more?” — Kevin McCallister

6. “Oh, wouldn’t want to spoil your fun, Mr. Cheapskate!” — Kevin McCallister

7. “There are 15 people in this house and you’re the only one who has to make trouble.” — Kate McCallister

8. “Did I burn down the joint? I don’t think so. I was making ornaments out of fishhooks.” — Kevin McCallister

9. “I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap, including all my major crevices…including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed.” — Kevin McCallister

10. “Keep the change, ya filthy animal.” — Gangster Johnny

11. “I’m not apologizing to Buzz; I’d rather kiss a toilet seat!” — Kevin McCallister

12. “I’m 10 years old. TV is my life.” — Kevin McCallister

13. “Here we are, Marv. New York City, the Land of Opportunity. Smell that?” — Harry

14. “Howdy, do. This is Peter McCallister, the father. I’d like a hotel room please, with an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key. Credit card? You got it.” — Kevin McCallister

15. “Merry Christmas, you filthy animal. And a Happy New Year.” — Gangster Johnny

16. “Kevin, you are such a disease.” — Jeff McCallister

17. “This is it. Don’t get scared now.” — Kevin McCallister

18. “Harry, it’s our calling card! All the great ones leave their mark. We’re the wet bandits!” — Marv

19. “Fine, I don’t wanna be down there, anyway. I can’t trust anybody in this family. And you know what? If I had my own money, I’d go on my own vacation. *Alone*. Without any of you guys. And I’d have the most fun in my whole life.” — Kevin McCallister

20. “I’m gonna kill that kid!” — Marv

Inspiring Home Alone Quotes

1. “It’s Christmas Eve. Good deeds count extra tonight. Think of an important thing you can do for others, and go do it. Just follow the star in your heart.” — Bird Lady

The character of Lady Bird surrounded by pigeons, smiling softly

2. “At least you’ll know. Then you could stop worrying about it. Then you won’t have to be afraid anymore. I don’t care how mad I was, I would talk to my dad. Especially around the holidays.” — Kevin McCallister

3. “You can say hello when you see me. You don’t have to be afraid.” — Marley

4. “I’ll never want another thing as long as I live if I can just see my mother. I know I won’t see her tonight, but promise me I can see her again. Sometime. Any time. Even if it’s just once and only for a couple of minutes. I just need to tell her I’m sorry.” — Kevin McCallister

5. “Turtle doves are a symbol of friendship and love. And as long as each of you has your turtle dove, you’ll be friends forever.” — Mr. Duncan

6. “If you won’t use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it’ll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won’t be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.” — Kevin McCallister

7. “You’re always welcome at church.” — Marley

8. “This is Christmas. The season of perpetual hope. I don’t care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike! If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.” — Kate McCallister

9. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” — Bird Lady

10. “Hey, I’m not afraid anymore! I said I’m not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? I’m not afraid anymore!” — Kevin McCallister

Funny Quotes From Home Alone

1. “Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?” — Kevin McCallister

A close-up of Kevin McCallister wearing a winter hat and a scarf representing a funny home alone quote

2. “You’re what the French call, ‘les incompétents’.” — Linnie McCallister

3. “Mom, does Santa Clause have to go through customs?” — Brooke McCallister

4. “Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof!” — Kevin McCallister

5. “My grandfather says if my head wasn’t screwed on, I’d leave it on the school bus.” — Kevin McCallister

6. “Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.” — Kevin McCallister

7. Marv: “He’s a kid. kids are stupid. I know I was.”

Harry: “You still are, Marv.”

8. Cedric the Bellman: You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed on this floor.

Kevin McCallister: The vacuum guy?

Cedric the Bellman: No, the, uh, president.

9. Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?” — Santa Claus

10. “You can get beat up for wearing something like that. Yeah, I had a friend who got nailed because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas.” — Kevin McCallister

11. Kate McCallister: [at the 5-star Plaza Hotel] “What kind of hotel allows a child to check in alone?”

Desk Clerk: “The boy had a very convincing story.” 

Kate McCallister: “What kind of idiots do you have working here?” 

Desk Clerk: “The finest in New York.”

12. “Shut up, Marv! You got the right to remain silent, you know.” — Harry

13. “My tie is in the bathroom and I can’t go in because Uncle Frank is taking a shower. He says that if I walked in there and saw him naked, I’d grow up never feeling like a real man.” — Kevin McCallister

14. “I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass!” — Buzz McCallister

15. “It’s a nice night for a neck injury.” — Kevin McCallister

16. Waiter: “Two scoops, sir?”

Kevin McCallister: “Two? Make it three. I’m not driving.”

17. “Buzz, I’m reading through all your private stuff, you better come out and pound me!” — Kevin McCallister

18. “Don’t you know how to knock, phlegm-wad?” — Buzz McCallister

19. “Hey, I’m gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10!” — Gangster Johnny

20. “What am I supposed to do, shake his hand and say “Congratulations, you’re an idiot?” — Megan McCallister

Summing Up

I collected these Home Alone quotes from various online sources and I hope they found a place in your heart, bringing chuckles, warmth, and holiday cheer!

Read next: 130 Joyful Christmas Family Quotes To Warm Your Heart

60 Greatest Home Alone Quotes That Define Holiday Magic