In this collection of funny anniversary quotes, I’m bringing you a bunch of chuckle-worthy lines I gathered from all over the web, capturing the essence of marriage in the most fun way.
Top 10 Funny Anniversary Quotes
1. “What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” — Cindy Garner
2. “Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.” — Minnie Pearl
3. “Marriage; sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.” — Rory Elder
4. “My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty—seven years, and not once have we argued serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.” — Jack Benny
5. “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
6. “Unless you want to forget about your marriage, it’s a good idea to remember your anniversary.” — Melanie White
7. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
8. “Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” — Joey Adams
9. “If we take matrimony at its lowest, we regard it as a sort of friendship recognized by the police.” — Robert Louis Stevenson
10. “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. “ — Michel De Montaigne
Funny Wedding Anniversary Quotes — Husbands
1. “Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband!” — Unknown
2. “Out of all the men, in all the world I ended up marrying you and not someone like Harry Styles or Chris Hemsworth. Ah well.” — Unknown
3. “There’s no one else I would rather snoring as hell beside me.” — Unknown
4. “If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it again. This time, do it just like the way your wife told you to!” — Unknown
5. “Happy Anniversary to my Husband. Behind every great woman there is a man. Just there. Not really doing much.” — Unknown
6. “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They have experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
7. “Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You are one of them.” — Unknown
8. “Remember when you held in your farts? I miss those days… happy anniversary!” — Unknown
9. “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” — Elizabeth Evans
10. “We got to the end of another year and we’re not dead, in prison or locked up in an institution. I’d say that was a result. Happy wedding anniversary.” — Unknown
11. “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” — Agatha Christie
12. “Here’s to another year of not smothering you with a pillow while you sleep.” — Unknown
13. “Sometimes I look at you and I just can’t help but feel happy for you. After all, you married the world’s most beautiful and brilliant woman. Happy anniversary, dearest husband.” — Unknown
14. “Marriage is a circus. You are my favorite clown. Happy anniversary to you, my love!” — Unknown
15. “You keep telling me I have to spend less money. So, I haven’t got you anything for our anniversary.” — Unknown
16. “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else.” — Jean Kerr
17. “I know you appreciate the fact that before we were married you didn’t know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge.” — Unknown
18. “Here’s to another year of driving each other nuts, but let’s be honest, your lives would be boring any other way!” — Unknown
19. “Sorry, no refunds! Happy anniversary!” — Unknown
20. “Happy anniversary to my husband, who still looks at me the way he looks at other women.” — Unknown
21. “My dear husband, I want you. To do more around the house.” — Unknown
22. “I love waking up next to you in the morning. Just don’t breathe on me.” — Unknown
23. “Happy Anniversary to the best first husband I’ll ever have.” — Unknown
24. “You still give me the same feeling as when I see my food coming at a restaurant.” — Unknown
25. “Happy anniversary! We’ve been through a lot together and most of it was your fault.” — Unknown
26. “I love you. Thanks for killing all the spiders this year.” — Unknown
27. “My husband said he needed some space — so I locked him outside!” — Unknown
28. “I love you more than carbs but less than cheese!” — Unknown
29. “Marriage is a workshop… where the husband works & wife shops.” — Unknown
30. “Husbands are the best people to share a secret with because they never listen anyway.” — Unknown
31. “You made a promise to love and irritate me for the rest of our lives. You can start the love part any time you want.” — Unknown
32. “How have we been married for this long and I haven’t killed you yet? Happy anniversary husband, this may be the last one.” — Unknown
33. “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” — Jean Illsley Clarke
34. “Happy anniversary hubby, another year of surviving the dystopian, hellish, winter—scape that is our marriage.” — Unknown
35. “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.” — Joyce Brothers
36. “Thank you husband for being the extra child I never wanted.” — Unknown
37. “Happy wedding anniversary hubby. I feel the same way about you now as I did when I first met you. A little bit irritating, could wash a bit more but I’ve had worse.” — Unknown
38. “I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” — Cameron Esposito
39. “Happy anniversary to my husband, another year of marital bliss. (If that’s what you want to call it).” — Unknown
40. “You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time: Husband!” — Bill Maher
Funny Wedding Anniversary Quotes — Wives
1. “No matter what life throws at you, at least you don’t have an ugly husband.” — Unknown
2. “I want you to know how much happiness I get from annoying the hell out of you all these years. I also want you to know that I have no plans of stopping anytime soon.” — Unknown
3. “In my house, I am the boss. My wife is just the decision maker.” — Woody Allen
4. “After all these years, I think that I got the better end of the deal. Thanks for putting up with me all these years.” — Unknown
5. “Overall, I love you more than I want to strangle you.” — Unknown
6. “Happy anniversary to my wife. Yep, you’re still the person I want to annoy for the rest of my life.” — Unknown
7. “Happy anniversary! I want to spend the rest of my money with you.” — Unknown
8. “Happy special wedding anniversary. Our marriage is 90% you telling me to do things and 10% me actually doing them.” — Unknown
9. “Behind every great man — a woman is rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey
10. “When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. That tells you everything you need to know about marriage.” — Katherine Hepburn
11. “Happy Anniversary, darling, I still admire your determination to change me.” — Unknown
12. “Let’s celebrate the day you gave up on finding anyone better than me. Happy anniversary!” — Unknown
13. “My wife has made me religious. I pray to God for salvation every day now. Happy anniversary, my lovely demon.” — Unknown
14. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx
15. “You talking and me pretending to listen has worked out pretty well!” — Unknown
16. “Marriage is like vitamins; we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” — Unknown
17. “Happy Anniversary to my special wife. May the day never come when you realize you’ve made a massive mistake.” — Unknown
18. “I love you more than yesterday but less than tomorrow… just kidding, I’ve reached my limit.” — Unknown
19. “Happy anniversary from the best thing that ever happened to you.” — Unknown
20. “She is correct when you are wrong, but she is right even when you are right — every wife’s logic. So, just shut up and move on. Happy anniversary!” — Unknown
21. “When people ask me about what makes a happy marriage, I simply tell them that the wife is always right. When you think she’s wrong, hit yourself on the head and remember that the wife is always right. Happy anniversary to my wife!” — Unknown
22. “Happy anniversary to the only person I would want to be trapped on a deserted island with… as long as there’s Wi-Fi.” — Unknown
23. “A marriage anniversary is the celebration of so many things. Love, trust, partnership, quarrels, tolerance, and tenacity, and the list goes on till it becomes like, ‘Well, what do we have to celebrate for now?’” — Unknown
24. “Baby, you’ve grown so much this last year and honed your nagging skills to perfection.” — Unknown
25. “There’s no one I would rather argue over nothing with.” — Unknown
26. “Hah you’re stuck with me forever. Happy Anniversary loser!” — Unknown
27. “To keep your marriage strong and your wife happy, admit it whenever you’re wrong and shut up whenever you’re right. Happy anniversary to my wife, by the way!” — Unknown
28. “Happy anniversary! Just imagine if our marriage was functional as you make it appear on Facebook.” — Unknown
29. “This is your yearly reminder that you married up.” — Unknown
30. “I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” — Lyndon B. Johnson
31. “They aren’t farts, they’re love clouds to keep you warm.” — Unknown
32. “Another year as my wife. You lucky, lucky woman.” — Unknown
33. “You’re the best thing I’ve ever found on the Internet.” — Unknown
34. “No matter how hard life gets I probably wouldn’t feed you to a tiger.” — Unknown
35. “Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, I put up with you. So we’re basically even.” — Unknown
36. “I’m so happy I married you. Doing my own laundry really sucked when I was single.” — Unknown
37. “Thanks for not leaving when I stopped holding in my farts.” — Unknown
38. “It’s hard to find a partner that’s funny, sex, & smart. You’re one lucky lady!” — Unknown
39. “You said nothing would make you happier than new jewelry for our anniversary, so I bought you nothing.” — Unknown
40. “You’re doing such an incredible job with this wife stuff. 10/10 would marry again.” — Unknown
Funny Anniversary Quotes — Parents, Friends, & Couples
1. “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash
2. “Happy anniversary to the best parents in the world. Just remember to stick to the no PDA rule.” — Unknown
3. “Happy anniversary to a friend who’s now firmly under the thumb. Deeply missed member of the lads. Taken from us: (insert date).” — Unknown
4. “Happy anniversary to Mom and Dad. I think it’s very selfish you’ve lasted this long; children of divorced parents get two sets of presents.” — Unknown
5. “Marriage is just texting each other “Do we need anything from the grocery store?” a bunch of times until one of you dies.” — Daniel Carrillo
6. “I don’t know if I should congratulate you for reaching this far or give you some sympathy. Happy anniversary. Cheers to many years of love, tolerance, and arguments!” — Unknown
7. “To Mom on your anniversary, well done on not murdering Dad up to this point.” — Unknown
8. “Great to see you actually managed to survive something more than a year, my friend. And on top, it’s your anniversary! LOL! Jokes apart, Happy Anniversary.” — Unknown
9. “To Dad on your anniversary, I’m not sure how you’ve blagged it this far but keep at it.” — Unknown
10. “99% of being married is just shouting ‘WHAT?’ from other rooms.” — Unknown
11. “You’ve been together so long you should be granted an honorary P.H.D in EACH OTHER” — Unknown
12. “Happy anniversary to my favorite couple, I’m so glad you haven’t killed each other yet.” — Unknown
13. “Drug stores understand life. That’s why the anniversary cards and sympathy cards are right next to each other.” — Unknown
14. “Marriage is like a game of chess. Except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke, and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” — Jerry Seinfeld
15. “Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlists.” — James Garner
16. “Cheers to the couple who has mastered the art of pretending to listen to each other after all these years!” — Unknown
17. “Marriage is basically just whispering, ‘Are you awake? I need to show you this cat video.’” — Unknown
18. “If Love is a dream you don’t want to wake up to, Marriage is a COMA that you can’t wake up to! Happy anniversary!” — Unknown
19. “Marriage: where ‘Yes, dear’ and ‘You’re right’ make a great combination.” — Unknown
20. “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” — Catherine Zeta-Jones
21. “Marriage is all about tolerating each other and hoping that some good will come out of it. Unfortunately, the final reward we get is insanity. Happy anniversary!” — Unknown
22. “Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.” — Unknown
23. “Happy anniversary to a couple of sickeningly happy folk. Boo to your romantic bliss.” — Unknown
24. “In the Olympic Games of marriage, you’ve won medals for producing smart, handsome children like me. Happy anniversary, Mum and Dad.” — Unknown
25. “Being married is like having a best friend who doesn’t remember a single thing that you say.” — Unknown
26. “Happy anniversary to my best friend, I’m so glad your marriage has provided us with so many hours of gossip.” — Unknown
27. “Happy anniversary Mr and Mrs bank of Mom and Dad.” — Unknown
28. “Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurrasic Park.” — Unknown
29. “My friend, I would like to congratulate you on taking good care of your adopted overgrown male partner. Happy anniversary and keep up the excellent job.” — Unknown
30. “You two have survived another year of each other’s farts and burps. May your love continue to grow and your flatulence decrease. Happy anniversary!” — Unknown
31. “Married life is much like a deck of cards. You start off needing only two hearts and a diamond. The more years pass, you’ll just wish that you have a club and a spade instead!” — Unknown
32. “Marriage: when dating goes too far.” — Unknown
33. “Love means commitment. Of course, so do most mental illnesses! Wishing you a Happy Anniversary.” — Unknown
34. “A good marriage is like a casserole; only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.” — Unknown
35. “We hope your married life is proving to be just like ours. Why should we be the only ones to have suffered? Happy anniversary.” — Unknown
36. “If love is an amazing dream, then marriage is the alarm clock.” — Unknown
37. “Many happy returns on your anniversary. May God bless you with patience to deal with each other.” — Unknown
38. “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” — Gary Busey
39. “The four most important words in any marriage: I’ll do the dishes.” — Unknown
40. “Marriage is a journey that takes you from ‘you are the best I’ve ever known to you are good for nothing’. Happy anniversary!” — Unknown
Summing Up
I hope these funny anniversary quotes reminded you that love is as much about finding joy in the everyday moments as it is about weathering the storms together.
So, whether you’re celebrating one year or fifty, keep the laughter alive. Here’s to many more years of love and laughter!
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