Discover the 100 greatest Shrek quotes from our favorite ogre, his donkey friend, and all the other creatures that inhabit the Shrek world.
10 Best Shrek Quotes
1. “Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.” — Shrek
2. “This is the part where you run away.” — Shrek
3. “Oh, my God, you ate the princess!” — Shrek
4. “This’ll be fun. We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning… I’m making waffles!” — Donkey
5. “Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.” — Lord Farquaad
6. “That’ll do, donkey. That’ll do.” — Shrek
7. “Well, it’s no wonder you don’t have any friends.” — Shrek
8. “Wow! Let’s do that again!” — Donkey
9. “The ogre has fallen in love with the princess!” — Lord Faraquaad
10. “For five minutes, could you not be yourself?” — Shrek
Absolutely Brilliant Shrek Quotes
1. “Someday, I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can’t find you. Or I forget.” — Shrek
2. “Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man! We’ve got a big order to fill.” — Gingerbread Man
3. “Wake up and smell the pheromones.” — Donkey
4. “You can’t do this to me, Shrek, I’m too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich…?” — Donkey
5. “If we ever need an expert on licking ourselves, we’ll give you a call.” — Donkey to Puss
6. “She called me a noble steed.” — Donkey
7. “Well, she’s married to the Muffin Man.” — Gingerbread Man
8. “Can’t bake a pie without losing half a dozen men.” — Jack Horner
9. “Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres – oh, they’re much worse. They’ll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! They’ll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it’s quite good on toast.” — Shrek
10. “Ogres are like onions. Ogres have layers…onions have layers.” — Shrek
11. “No! I’m an ogre! You know, “Grab your torch and pitchforks!” Doesn’t that bother you?” — Shrek
12. “Don’t mess wit’ me. I’m the Stair Master. I’ve mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, I could step here and here and here and step all over it.” — Donkey
13. “Roar!” — Shrek
14. “Never fear! Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And I have a way.” — Donkey
15. “I steal from the rich and give to the needy…” — Monsieur Hood
16. “I like my privacy.” — Shrek
17. “I already had a big bowl of curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.” — Shrek
18. “Don’t you want to tell me about your trip? How about a game of Parcheesi?” — Donkey
19. “Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.” — Captain of Guards
20. “You, uh, you don’t entertain much, do you?” — Donkey
Funny Shrek Quotes To Make You Laugh
1. “You know what? Maybe there’s a good reason donkeys shouldn’t talk.” — Shrek
2. “Good morning. Um, how do you like your eggs?” — Princess Fiona
3. “Hey! I’m no one’s messenger boy, all right? I’m a delivery boy.” — Shrek
4. “Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.” — Donkey
5. “Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy.” — Magic Mirror
6. “Well, that’s not very nice. It’s just a donkey.” — Shrek
7. “Donkey, if that was me, you’d be dead. That’s brimstone… we must be getting close.” — Shrek
8. “Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn’t color blind!” — Donkey
9. “Well my stomach aches and my palms just got sweaty, must be a high school.” — Shrek
10. “Don’t die, Shrek. And if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light!” — Donkey
11. “Oh, stop being such a drama king!” — Queen
12. “There’s a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest! Don’t you find that a wee bit suspicious?” — Shrek
13. “Wow, that was really scary, and if you don’t mind me saying, if that don’t work, your breath will certainly get the job done, ’cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something ’cause your breath STINKS.” — Donkey
14. “Donkey: Hi, Princess!
Princess Fiona: It talks!
Shrek: Yeah, it’s getting him to shut up that’s the trick!”
15. “C’mon, princess, you’re not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you’re only like this at night. Shrek’s ugly 24/7.” — Donkey
16. “Please! I don’t wanna go back there. You don’t know what it’s like to be considered a freak… well, maybe you do, but that’s why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!” — Donkey
17. “Oh, don’t feel bad, Shrek. Almost everybody who meets you wants to kill you.” — Donkey
18. “Well, somebody better be dying!” — Shrek
19. “OK, let me get this straight: You gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad’ll give you back your swamp, which you only don’t have ‘cos he filled it full of freaks in the first place, is that about right?” — Donkey
20. “Don’t worry, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until… No, wait. I’m still afraid of the dark.” — Donkey
See also: 60 Funny Minion Quotes To Make You (Re)Watch The Movies
Shrek Quotes That Are Lowkey Relatable
1. “I just know, before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin’.” — Donkey
2. “I’m going to be a father, how did this happen?” — Shrek
3. “I don’t want to rush into a… physical relationship… I’m not that emotionally ready for a… uh… commitment of this… uh… magnitude!” — Donkey
4. “Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?” — Donkey
5. “All right, nobody move! I got a dragon here, and I’m not afraid to use it. I’m a donkey on the edge!” — Donkey
6. “Cool! You handle the dragon, I’ll handle the stairs!” — Donkey
7. “All right, all right, that’s enough. No one likes a kiss-a*s.” — Donkey
8. “Okay, so here’s another question: Say there’s a woman who digs you, right, but you really don’t like her THAT quick – now how do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren’t hurt, but you don’t get burned to a crisp and eaten? How do you do that?” — Donkey
9. “Oh, Shrek. Don’t worry; things just seem bad because it’s dark and rainy and Fiona’s father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you. It’ll be better in the morning. You’ll see.” — Donkey
10. “I want what any princess wants – to live happily ever after… with the *ogre* I married.” — Princess Fiona
11. “Now really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?” — Lord Faraquaad
12. “That’s another thing we have in common. I hate it when you’ve got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won’t leave, and then there’s that big awkward silence, you know?” — Donkey
13. “Shrek: Oh, you can’t tell me you’re afraid of heights?
Donkey: No, I’m just uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava!”
14. “Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love’s first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon’s keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love’s first kiss… like that’s ever gonna happen. What a load of…” — Shrek
15. “What’s the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?” — Donkey
Shrek Quotes That Are Kinda Deep
1. “If you really love her, you’ll let her go.” — Fairy Godmother
2. “Because that’s what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER!” — Donkey
3. “You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear.” — Shrek
4. “Then ya gotta, gotta try a little TENDERNESS! Chicks love that romantic crap!” — Donkey
5. “After a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are.” — Shrek
6. “Look, I’m not the one with the problem, okay? It’s the world that seems to have a problem with ME! People take one look at me and go “Aargh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre!” They judge me before they even know me – that’s why I’m better off alone…” — Shrek
7. “Only a true friend would be that truly honest.” — Donkey
8. “You know what the best part of today was? I got the chance to fall in love with you all over again.” — Shrek
9. “You know, Donkey, things are more than what they seem.” — Shrek
10. “You’re so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you’re afraid of your own feelings.” — Donkey
11. “You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now.” — Donkey
12. “I think I need a hug.” — Donkey
13. “I live in a swamp! I put up signs! I’m a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?” — Shrek
14. “Do you think he’s compensating for something?” — Shrek
15. “Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away…” — Fairy Godmother
Shrek Quotes Both Kids And Adults Love
1. “Donkey, two things, OK? Shut… up.” — Shrek
2. “She called me a noble steed.” — Donkey
3. “Whoa. Look at that. Who’d wanna live in a place like that?” — Donkey
4. “There’s an arrow in your butt.” — Princess Fiona
5. “What are you doing in my swamp!?” — Shrek
6. “I’m sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken.” — Donkey
7. “What kind of a knight are you?” — Princess Fiona
8. “All right, you’re going the right way for a smack bottom.” — Shrek
9. “I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.” — Donkey
10. “You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly.” — Donkey
11. “And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases eeking outta my butt that day.” — Donkey
12. “I’m not a puppet. I’m a real boy.” — Pinocchio
13. “It looks like we’re up chocolate creek without a popsicle stick.” — Gingerbread Man
14. “You know what ELSE everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, ‘Let’s get some parfait,’ they say, ‘Hell no, I don’t like no parfait’? Parfaits are delicious!” — Donkey
15. “No, not the buttons… not my gumdrop buttons!” — Gingerbread Man
16. “I mean, I do like the outdoors. I’m a donkey. I was born outside. I’ll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside.” — Donkey
17. “Say something crazy, like, “I’m wearing ladies underwear!”” — Donkey
18. “Eat me.” — Gingerbread Man
19. “Yes, MY half! I helped rescue the Princess! I did half the work, I get half the booty! Now hand over that big rock, the one that looks like your head!” — Donkey
20. “You got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo.” — Donkey
The End
Pardon me if I missed a quote or two because I most certainly did. Shrek is so full of hilarious lines and all of them couldn’t make it to the ‘100 greatest Shrek quotes’ list.
Feel free to add your favorite ones in the comments section below.
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