Welcome to the world of Joe Dirt!
Get ready to dive into the wacky world of Joe Dirt, the mullet-rocking, quote-dropping janitor we all can’t help but love. This hilariously misunderstood hero has a way with words that’s as unique as his hairstyle.
I’ve rounded up the funniest, quirkiest, and most Dirt-worthy one-liners for your enjoyment. Get ready for a laughter-filled journey that’ll remind you why we all love this offbeat hero.
Most Iconic Joe Dirt Quotes
1. “Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back?” — Joe Dirt
2. “Life’s a garden, dig it.” — Joe Dirt
3. “I’m Joe Dirt, I like listening to Skynyrd and… I like to party.” — Joe Dirt
4. “Why does everything I love run from me?” — Joe Dirt
5. “You can’t have ‘no’ in your heart. ‘No’ is not an option.” — Joe Dirt
6. “I don’t know why everyone wants to attack me.” — Joe Dirt
7. “Why don’t you practice fallin down, I’ll be there in a minute.” — Joe Dirt
8. “Things are gonna happen for me, I’m Joe Dirt.” — Joe Dirt
9. “Here on earth, we call this place a ‘town.’ A ‘town’ is a place where everyone hates you.” — Joe Dirt
10. “Right on. You’re Joe Meteorite and I’m Joe Dirt.” — Joe Dirt
Funny Joe Dirt Quotes
1. “I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I’m working.” — Joe Dirt
2. “Home is where you make it.” — Joe Dirt
3. “I can see down your shirt!” — Joe Dirt
4. “Hey man, you done with that apple core?” — Joe Dirt
5. “You’re gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don’t have no whistling bungholes?” — Joe Dirt
6. “What’s the use of trying if all you ever get is pain?” — Joe Dirt
7. “I can’t believe how fast things move on the outside.” — Joe Dirt
8. “I’m a janitor by choice.” — Joe Dirt
9. “I got a feeling your whole family’s going down, but for now, I gotta study.” — Joe Dirt
10. “You’re talking to my guy all wrong. It’s the wrong tone. Do it again, I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.” — Joe Dirt
11. “Dang!” — Joe Dirt
12. “You like to see homos naked?” — Joe Dirt
13. “I’m gonna go put water in Buck’s dish.” — Joe Dirt
14. “It puts the lotion on its skin. Now it places the lotion in the basket.” — Joe Dirt
15. “Well, that might be your problem. It’s not what you like. It’s the consumer.” — Joe Dirt
Joe Dirt Quotes To Save The Day
1. “Now, this ain’t no flapjack. I’ll go real easy. I won’t look.” — Joe Dirt
2. “His name’s Rocky and he ain’t no puppy.” — Joe Dirt
3. “And you’ll be sticking your head out the window and check out chic dogs saying ‘what’s up, baby?’” — Joe Dirt
4. “You guys got somethin’ to say to me? Why don’t you say it into the microphone? I got a backup mike right here. Check, one, two, testing, testing. Yup, they both workin’, and guess what? They don’t like no feedback, what’s up?” — Joe Dirt
5. “My name is Joe Dirt, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.” — Joe Dirt
6. “But I’m pickin’ it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say?” — Joe Dirt
7. “I got the poo on me!” — Joe Dirt
8. “Might as well ask why is a tree good? Why’s a sunset good? Why are boobs good?” — Joe Dirt
9. “There are three rules when dealing with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I’m number one. Rule number two, the croc’s number two.” — Joe Dirt
10. “If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” — Joe Dirt
11. “Doesn’t matter what I say, it’s wrong.” — Joe Dirt
12. “Lose that frown. When you’re down, stare at a clown.” — Joe Dirt
13. “I’m new! I don’t know what to do!” — Joe Dirt
14. “That ain’t no meteor. That’s a big ol’ frozen chunk o’ s***.” — Joe Dirt
15. “I’m a rocker, dude through and through.” — Joe Dirt
Inspirational Joe Dirt Quotes
1. “Things get the darkest before dawn.” — Joe Dirt
2. “Keep on, keepin’ on” — Joe Dirt
3. “No man, ‘Home is where you make it.'” — Joe Dirt
4. “If my calculations are correct, this will create ice… oh no, killer mustard gas!” — Joe Dirt
5. “I don’t care where I sleep, as long as I get to wake up with you.” — Joe Dirt
6. “You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoofbeats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn’t work anymore.” — Kicking Wing
7. “People like that security guard. They don’t really mean what they say. They just got their own issues and what not. All’s I got to do is keep bein’ a good person. No matter what, good things’ll come my way. Everything’s gonna happen for me, just so long as I never have no in my heart.” — Joe Dirt
8. “And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandi was looking up at that same moon.” — Joe Dirt
9. “Why did you do that to me? I was only eight years old – I was just a little kid. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a kid and have nobody around to talk to? No one that cares if you’re alive or dead? Every day you just think you’re worthless and there’s a void in your life?” — Joe Dirt
10. “Life is too short to waste doing nothing, make every day count because we all don’t know when we will leave this world.” — Joe Dirt
To Wrap Up
And there you have it – 50 hilarious Joe Dirt quotes. Keep these quotes in your back pocket for when you need a chuckle or a dose of Dirt-style inspiration.
